Blogging Hiatus

A month plus of no updates at all? That’s kinda hiatus. And then I came across this quote below :

“There’s no such thing as writer’s block. Just start typing. At some point, it will turn into writing..”Graydon Carter from the book “Dear Me”.

True, which is so true. But that’s not the issue now. I’m not having writer’s block. I have ideas, I have so many things in my list I wanna write and pour into my SalzyMommyhood but….. I. just. have. no. time. Do people still accept that kind of an excuse? Haha…

Writing has become a necessity to me. And a priority too. I have to write. Writing is like pausing me a while from a marathon to just take a breath and continue running to an unseen finishing line. We have to take breaks, because indeed we don’t know when these all are going to end. Can be it’s still far yet so near or it’s already almost here, but can we really tell?

So what is this with I-just-have-no-time excuse I’m giving myself? No it’s not actually that. Everyone has 24 hours a day and so do I. It’s just that, I haven’t been staying up at midnight anymore, for quite some time already. That means, much of my productive me-time has gone into sweet dreams.

When I don’t stay up, I do less planning and thinking about my days and short-term future and that’s making me be like a mess. I don’t like this but I can’t help it too. When it’s bedtime, I’d tell myself to continue staying up and do my things once the kids doze off but that’s not what happens.

I am now already in the third trimester of this pregnancy and it’s taking much control of me physically, mentally and emotionally too. I’m honestly tired and what’s more tiring is when I don’t even have the power and effort to catch up. But life goes on because time waits for no men. I’m trying to enjoy every bit of it.

I turned 32 three days ago. How remarkable. I’ve been wanting to write a letter to my younger self to reflect the things that I’ve gone through in life; the future of my teenage self that has become past now. I wanted it to be a proper and lengthy letter but I know with my struggling condition now, it won’t happen. So let’s just do it now with only significant points I’ve been keeping to myself, short and sweet.

Dear My 16-year-old Self, 16 years ago,

I’m coming from your future with only one message to convey. That is – Life is so Confusing. Just like how you’re confused now. You’re confused on which stream you’re going to further after the PMR – sciences or arts? You’re so dead in mind thinking just about that but I tell you, that’s just a tip of an iceberg of this whole life you’re going to face.

In future, there will be a lot lot more things coming your way demanding for decision making from your clueless mind and you’ll always be confused. That’s what life is or at least that’s how your life will be exclusively. And that’s hard. Are you ready? You have to.

Scary much? See. This life is a journey and your job is to go through it and experience. You don’t have to figure out everything right away, you don’t have the power for that. But one thing is for sure; ‘things will fall into place, sooner or later’ – I promise. I can’t help much but this is what I believe the most comforting words I am telling to my ever dearest person which is you. Seek help from The One by the way you’ll learn, stick to it for every single time you need it. You’re doing good, just be stronger.

All the best, self. -Regards from the year 2018.-

As ever,
SALZY

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Three Repetitive Advices

Don’t you notice that when we live with a same person for a significant number of years, the person tends to indirectly talk about a particular thing over and over again?

Today marks 6 years of me living with my husband in a happy marriage. We talked a lot, every single day about many things but when I looked back, I realized there are things that we talked so repetitively about. Or, he, what I actually meant here.

He talked about something once, certain points, with certain wordings, clearly, understood and absorbed by me but later, not long after, he mentions about it again. Of the same points. Of the same wordings. That sometimes makes me think that ‘is this devaju? ‘No, it’s not. It really did happen before. He really did say it before. But he’s repeating the sameeee things so when I said “ya you’ve said this before” he would just say “ya, that’s about it.” Them urm, okay.

And not long after, he’d say it again. Or maybe long after, but not long enough as my memory is still retaining the facts oh why on earth must he be mentioning things many times? Do you live with this kind of creatures? Or are we all like this too? Haha me maybe, without realizing it.

Along with our anniversary, I’m writing down these 3 advices from my husband that I’ve heard countless of times in these 6 tender years.

First, is to never say “IF” or “IF ONLY” or “WHAT IF?”

Like “If only I had done this the other way around, things would’ve turned out much better.” – this, in regards of being regret of things that had happened or been done.

Or another way is in regard of overthinking of what’s gonna happen in the future that’s beyond our control.

But this if-ness is so me. It’s like built-in within myself that makes it a habit of mine. I’m saying and I’m thinking of these if’s like all the time and I relate it to all things. Hurm, that’s why I grew up being such an overthinker who tries to control everything which ended up making me feel stressed of my own.

And because of this, I don’t like him to remind me to not overthink or to not say what-ifs because it’s natural and I think it’s necessary to be well-prepared of whatevs. But this too actually comes from a hadith that says ‘If only’ opens the door to Shaytaan’s whispering.” 

Now what, self? It’s forbidden by the religion, by Allah and by the Prophet (pbuh)! And it’s reminded through my husband in his repetitive advice that I really have to hold on to myself and keep close, and to not say ‘if’ excessively till it could become a sin. Things happened means things happened. Accept, and submit, full stop. Phew, this is hard! But, Lillahi Ta’ala, I’m trying my best!

Second, is to never discriminate the love for kids

When I was a little girl, I was so conversant with these ‘family terms’ that people called a certain child as the “golden child” and the other certain as the “black sheep”. I was so familiar to observing families or siblings of many that they must have these two subjects among them. I thought it’s a normal thing. I thought it’s possible for a parent to love one child more than another just for what they deserved based on education, or behaviours, or prettiness? For God’s sake!

But with my husband, he objects the facts of that ‘family terms’ in total and disapproves it to exist in our family at all. He always reminds us (me and him too) to never discriminate the love for kids. Each one deserves equal yet total loves and attentions from us no matter how clever or naughty they are, the first, the middle or the last, a boy or a girl. Yes, we tend to differentiate the kids, we tend to compare them. To compare things or people is actually very natural and humane. We compare everything that we encounter every day. And every kid is definitely different from one another but in the end, we do not discriminate the loves we’re pouring to each of them.

Being accustomed to the observation since I was young, this is such a very important advice I have to keep with me in growing myself as a mother with more kids upcoming. Mentioning this repetitively makes it a culture in our family and from there I realized that yes, between Edhany and Errasy, we couldn’t really identify who is more dominant than another though they’re quite much different. Like the CGPA concept we have in university, the scores in each subject might vary from each student but on the finals, both get 4 flats!

Third, is to embrace aging with no shame

This is not really an advice from him but I willingly take it as an advice for myself from the way he repetitively says or acts about this particular issue – aging. My husband grows grey hairs as early as in his 20’s and even heavier now. My God, he’s really turning all whites by 40’s! But he’s all okay about that. Of white hairs, of wrinkles, he never freaked out. Yeah maybe because he’s a male and he’s married anyway but it’s not that he doesn’t care. He has this distinctive point of view that aging is a good thing, is something one should embrace rather than reject. It’s the fact that we can’t reject getting older so what’s the point?

I don’t know. I think I really enjoyed being young and beautiful that I slowly found myself averse to accept the fact that my joy time has passed and it’s telling me through the change of my own physical and looks. I do enjoy my life now but it’s different. It’s just different in a way that I can’t explain. Haha… I don’t know. I think I really have to reflect on this more spiritually than physically. Come to think that it doesn’t make sense to be asking for long live but not wanting to grow old, right? Wake up! Now I’m making my husband as my aging-idol; one who can’t wait to look like Amitabh Bachchan one day. Haha.

With these 3 repetitive advices, Happy 6th Anniversary to us.

To my husband, it has been 6 years I’ve been listening to not just these three but many more other lectures repetitively from you, I’m sure. It’s gonna be a lie if I tell you I’m not bored. It’s seriously so borrringgggg you know?? Hahaha. Please grant me The Most Honest Wife Award now cause I can’t wait till the 20th anniversary to confess this. Lols.

Jokes aside.

As much as I might feel annoyed of being ‘nagged’ of the same things over and over again, after all what he said are the right things that I actually have to ponder deeper rather than just listen or complain that it’s been repetitive. Married folks, we don’t know until when we’ll still have this pleasure of talking to a companion so before it’s too late, let’s realize this blessing and be grateful for it. A spouse is also a messenger. Light conversations, teasing or even arguments could actually convey very important messages, never ignore.

As ever,
SALZY

Recap 2017 (Part 2)

READING, BLOGGING & LEARNING

In overall, I can summarize my focus of this year is of the above three things. I surrounded myself with many books and had a non-ending reading list; I’m a happy me. I blogged as I intended and I learned some things. It’s a contented year I must say despite losing myself at some points of time but all in all, Alhamdulillah.

In the past few years, I was in search of things that I could do to improve my wellbeing and upgrade my financial. I decided to get involved with businesses that I thought could make a side income for me. I was influenced by other people’s success but I forgot that money was not a wise driving factor for me personally. Other people can be very positively fervent being money-driven and can love what they do if it’s promising dollars but me? I’m just so spoilt and being in business is actually not my thing.

When thinking of 2017, I decided to do things that I love and will make me happy. I did just that and I can feel the beauty of following my heart and living simply.

UMRAH

My Umrah Trip in January was the most treasured memory of my life. I’m so grateful for it because what makes it be more meaningful to me was it happened after a huge crisis I faced in the end of 2016. It’s like a gift from Allah and 2017 will forever be a special year to me because of this.

ME-TIME

My kids are growing; they’re not babies anymore. I can feel that motherhood gets easier and less demanding compared to the years after birth. My husband can now handle the kids without me so they always had boys’ outings without Mom, doing boys thingy. And me, I’m having so much (or enough) me-time alone at home! I believe mothers would agree with me that me-time is such a luxury for us. It’s something that I really struggled about in the early years of motherhood. This year was such a honeymoon for me and I know this comfort won’t last. Soon my kids are going to school and that will add new responsibilities to me and I’m ready for that.

TOASTMASTERS

I joined Toastmasters in May 2017 and it’s the beginning of another notable journey for me. Speaking in front of many people, speaking impromptu took a lot of courage in me and it’s not just a piece of cake. I’m glad I did it anyway and I’m very consistent in attending the meetings. I happened to join the new Pathways programme and I’m quite clueless about the new format. I hope the momentum won’t drop and I’ll be more proactive in planning my speeches.

 MOVING HOUSE

It’s something unpredictable, gave us headache but made a good shift, anyway. For the record, it was our first move after 5 years of marriage with two kids.

FINANCIAL

I remember ranting about this in my Recap-2016 and too bad, it is the same again this time. Oh my God. I don’t mean to complain but for real, life is getting tougher and tougher financially. Look at the economy, the cost of living in KL nowadays honestly its killing. When it comes to money, it’s all about surviving months to months and every payday makes a “phewwww, we survived!” kinda relief. Or is this just a phase that we have to go through? We began building life for a better future but it’s also taking its toll on us. This is just a phase, I keep telling myself. I don’t mean to blindly rant but I want to remember this significant chapter of our journey. Things will change sooner or later and after all, it’s all about the rezeki that we totally have to rely on Allah and rezeki is not just about money! Shukr for everything.

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

Alhamdulillah, it’s another healthy year for us with only slight illnesses sometimes. The kids were down to fever about 3 times this year and the worst was in September during Hajj Eid. We didn’t really raya that time. The rest was okay.

My parents turned 59 this year. They’re in good health but of course not as perfect as they’re oldster already. My dad’s diet is quite affected since a year ago; he’s turning very thin. My mom has been fine except recently she’s having problem with her ears or hearing and it’s causing her vertigo and had to undergo some tests. It got better after medications and didn’t have to further any more procedures. It’s kinda worrying to hear such things. Turning into 6 series next year, I pray for their health to always be in the best condition. Ameen.

mamaabah

My beloved Abah & Mama

BIG FAMILY

In summary, my side welcomed a new niece in August; baby Amanda Sofyia – my brother’s second daughter. And another brother got engaged which means we’ll be welcoming a new in-law next year. May Allah ease the plan. No new addition on my husband’s side, everyone is growing existing families.

NEW PET

Should this be a highlight? Of course! Haha. We have a new resident in this home and it’s a bird. It’s a small type of parrot called a Budgie bird and my son named her as “Somey-somey”. Haha. It’s supposed to be “Comel-comel” but Edhany lisps the letter “C” so that’s what happened. It’s all about the kids anyway; it’s what they wished for because kids love animals! Except me when I was a kid. Haha. Began on 4th December of 2017 and more updates on this in later post.

somey2

Somey-somey 🙂

KIDS GOING TO SCHOOL

Or actually, kindergarten. Last year, we were contemplating about sending our 4-year-old son to school this year. There is a choice whether to basically start them at 4 or 5 years old. We were totally not mentally ready for the new commitment and decided to begin in 2018 with both boys going at the same time. It was just kindy but really a big deal for us to actually decide the best for our kids. I cannot imagine determining universities later. We studied things carefully, tawakkal as much and signed up this one. Next week is the time and I’ve been having mixed feelings knowing the fact that my babies are heading to another phase of life!! How time flies.

lcstuff

Kindy stuff  of Little Caliphs

I’M PREGNANT

I’m pregnant of baby number 3. Alhamdulillah :). After months of contemplating whether or not we should be adding a new member in this family, it finally happened at the time we least expected it. I discovered this pregnancy in November and now I’m in the 12th week. Since then, morning sicknesses got so dominant I don’t have control over my body anymore. It happened to be in the year-end – the time of the year that I usually got really eager preparing for the New Year from the planner-stuff, goals settings and recapping memories all that but this time? I was just all lying down at home for many weeks and gone on MC for many days. Too bad, too bad but finally in this final week of 2017 I get up and fight all that. The whole year has been so good I can’t just end it like nothing happens. So here I am, wrapping up my 2017 in two posts that I will want to re-read one day. Now let’s keep all the pregnancy stories of the first trimester in a special post in 2018! Maybe this blog will return to its original purpose which was a Motherhood blog, right? Will see…! Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah and welcome “Lil’ in Me No. 3”.

upt

Positive 🙂

THE END

That’s all about it. I love this year very much. Good Bye 2017.

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Till the next post,
SALZY

Wives of Prophets

Finished another book – “Kisah 12 Isteri Para Rasul” (The Stories of 12 Wives of Prophets) by Harun Ar Rasyid, published by Karangkraf. This one has accompanied me for the whole year of 2017. Bought early of the year consists of 12 stories, made it one story per month so now I’m done.

KISAH-12-ISTERI-PARA-RASUL-book.jpg

The stories are of :

  1. Hawa, wife of Prophet Adam a.s
  2. Wailah, wife of Prophet Nuh a.s
  3. Sarah, wife of Prophet Ibrahim a.s
  4. Hajar, wife of Prophet Ibrahim a.s
  5. Wahilah, wife of Prophet Lut a.s
  6. Rahil Binti Laban, wife of Prophet Yaakub a.s
  7. Laya Binti Mansyar, wife of Prophet Ayyub a.s
  8. Safura, wife of Prophet Musa a.s
  9. Khadijah Binti Khuwailid, wife of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w
  10. ‘Aisyah Binti Abu Bakar, wife of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w
  11. Hafsah Binti ‘Umar Al-Khattab, wife of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w
  12. Ummu Salamah, wife of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w

May Allah be pleased with all of them. All stories display good examples except two, Wailah and Wahilah, who were the opposites.

After reading this book, one thing I can conclude is that; being a woman and standing by the name wife of a man requires a lot of patience and sacrifices. These heroines of Islam were the wives of the Most Nobles but their lives were so full of challenges. Allah put them in their respective difficult situations to then make them the idols of latter ummah. It’s so different from the expectation that we have as a lady in the current life. Ladies now typically have always been dreaming to be catered with this and that by the husband and competing to be the luckiest wife ever. Anything less would lead to disappointment. Of course that’s our rights but if we can understand the purpose of this life in the dunya and how had it been to the leading ladies before us and if we really take them as the examples to hold this role, would we still be comparing our lives with others? Let’s redefine ‘being lucky’ and extend our understanding beyond this mortal life. I realized now it’s really important to know the stories of more Islamic models and comprehend their journey rather than fancying the lives of others on the social media. Ooops!

Of all stories, one that has always won my heart is the story of Siti Hajar (may Allah be pleased with her), the wife of Prophet Ibrahim a.s. It’s well known, I’ve known it earlier too so reading from this book was a refresh to me. It’s a really beautiful story portraying real faith and tawakkul of a woman towards Allah s.w.t. With all those, Allah honoured her patience by making Sa’ie as the ritual pilgrimage. All muslims who perform Hajj and Umrah must travel back and forth from Safa and Marwah that serves to commemorate Hajar’s search for water for her son and God’s mercy in answering prayers. That’s how glorified this one particular Woman in Islam for the trials she faced. Subhanallah.

Prior to performing my Umrah earlier this year, I was so anxious about Sa’ie. Did my research and came to know that the total walking distance seven times from Safa to Marwah back and forth is more than 3 kilometres?! My God. I once joined a 5-kilometre run programme so I could estimate the distance so to me honestly, it’s far! Considering myself as not an active person and with the challenge of Iman that would disturb me when performing Umrah, that was scary. Sounds exaggerating but really I told my husband I was so worried about not being able to finish the walking just because I’d give up and stop at all.

Surprisingly there, Sa’ie was the most… I can say, my favourite part of the rituals. The traveling was really calming and spiritual I actually have no words to describe my feeling when doing sa’ie. It was not tiring at all because I was all the time reminded by the story of Hajar, imagining doing exactly what she did all the way. Thank you Allah for the unique strength he granted me and all others.

We completed our first Umrah on the first night in Mecca. The next night was the first time my mom and I went down for qiam. After completing our sunnah tawaf, we found a spot for us to continue with prayers and tafakkur. Then I asked my mom; “Ma, can I go to that side (saie area) for a while? I want to perform Sunnah Saie.” My mom instantly chuckled and said; “Hey, there’s no Sunnah Saie! There’s only Sunnah for Tawaf. Saie is only done within Umrah. Haha.”

“Oh really? Hahhaha.” I laughed too for obviously such a non-basis thought I had in mind. Funny with myself but deep down I felt a bit sad for not getting to do saie as I wanted to. So I asked my mom how many times would we be doing Umrah here, she said 3 or 4 times. There and then, I was so determined to do the maximum and Alhamdulillah I managed to perform Umrah for 4 times. On the final round of saie I teared up so badly, I walked really slowly not wanting to end that rite. It was really a priceless experience indulging the sirah of Hajar and writing this making me miss the places so much more. Siti Hajar (may Allah be pleased with her), the saie rite and the wisdom behind it have impacted a particular area in my life in a very positive way after I came back home. May all Muslims that have never been there will have the chance to go to the Holy Lands, and those who’ve gone will have the chance to repeat in the best condition of ourselves. Ameen.

All other stories are also very much inspiring in it’s own way. Learning sirah of the believers is really important for us to live this life as they’re the real examples for us to follow in working this life towards the eternal one; the hereafter.

Till the next post,
SALZY

11 Years Blogging Anniversary

Happy Blogging Anniversary to meeeeeeeeeee….!!! This date, 11 years ago was the day where it all began. I can’t believe it’s more than a decade since, wow! And this is my very first post that I published in my blog.

1st blog post1.JPG

Hahaha… So funny okay! With the funky spellings and all… My God.

I started blogging in 2006 with my old blog; My Kunang-Kunang. Kunang-kunang means the yellow bugs – a kind of fireflies (I guess?) or insects that flash at nights in yellow. Why, is just because I loveeee yellow so much it’s my all-time and forever favourite color so I tagged it as the symbol of my space. I like yellow because it’s bright and royale. I always prefer something bright, lively and colorful. My next favourite color is brown, because brown and yellow make a complementary combination!

Back to My Kunang-kunang, the tagline was “It’s Just All About Me”. Haha. I was in University when I felt my life was so fun and interesting and I had a lot to talk about. I got crazy bunch of friends, I started driving, I learnt new things, I met new people and not to forget; I studied hard too (err, are you sure, self? hahaha). That’s when I thought of blogging. The writing wasn’t consistent but continued for a few good years.

However, it was not a solid 11 years. I once stopped blogging at all for quite long. Family was expanding, errands were multiplying, I couldn’t make time and plus, an inner conflict that stopped me from exposing personal stories or thoughts for whatever paranoid reasons. Nevertheless, I never stopped thinking to write and write again. There were actually a few times I attempted to re-blog but I just didn’t get the momentum to get in gear. So again and again I wrote a few lines and left it unfinished. And this is what I just found in a folder in my laptop :

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Haha….My ‘attempts’ to come back – once in 2013, and once in 2015. And believe me I have a lot more handwritten drafts in my note books I’d been wanting to type and publish, to type and publish, but it just didn’t happen. It’s such a struggle that I believed there are people out there who understand this in one way or another, maybe not in blogging but in anything else. Or maybe it’s just about time?

Because finally, finally… After four confusing years, it all ended. I found my reasons, I eliminated my excuses and above all, I got my true inspiration. Now here I am, celebrating my 11 years anniversary as a blogger! It’s almost a year since I came back, I write constantly, I find solace and peace in what I do and I hope you too in any, anything that you endeavour. And at any milestones, on any remarkable dates; don’t forget to celebrate because memorably, that’s where it all started for a journey worth taking.

Till the next post,
SALZY

I Want To Remind Myself

13th October 2017 marks 8 years anniversary of our love relationship. On the same day itself, my husband went for his company’s Annual Dinner event and brought home a lucky draw! Since when he became so lucky? Haha. It’s a Free Lunch Buffet Voucher for 2 pax @ Pullman Putrajaya Lakeside B’s Restaurant. Yeay… We consider this as our anniversary gift, then. Alhamdulillah.

pullman

Today we set to utilize the voucher. Didn’t wanna delay the pleasure and also to celebrate our son’s birthday which was two days ago. Actually, I’d been planning to organize a birthday party for him since early of this year. I’d been saving money, outlining the stuff and listing to-do’s for the event. It’s one of my important agendas for 2017 because we haven’t done any parties for him before. We did one for Dhany but none for Ayash. It’s not that it’s really a must for us do party for every birthday, but once in a while would be nice, right?

Alassss, my plan turned to no avail. Due to? Budget constraint. Haha. This year our financial goes on a roller coaster ride. I thought this is the year that we could save more for more big things upcoming. But it turns out to be just a funny thought. So many more unexpected things came rolling into our pockets and rolled out loaded. At this time, we’re just so broke! Huwarghhh…

And so I cancelled my plan to organize the birthday party for Errasy. We just couldn’t make it, baby. But with this free voucher that dropped from the sky just in time, we seized it for a little celebration with our little family.

cakes

boys

The cakes! Haha…call it a “DIY”. As long as there are candles on it, it is a birthday cake! What a cheapskate parents we are…haha. ‘Desperate time calls for desperate measures’ so mind us okay. Creative mom I am. Lol. Happy 3rd Birthday my baby Errasy! We loveeee you.

We spent two hours indulging the foods and later sightseeing around the hotel area and went home with happy tummies. Free meals are always extra delicious, right? Hehe. Thank you Allah for today and I’m taking some time now for a gratitude moment.

At this moment, I want to remind myself that even in time that we can call ‘hard times’ like this, we still have the opportunity to have fancy meals at a lavish place.

I want to remind myself that at the time we thought we couldn’t spare any money for self-reward like always, a lucky draw decided to reward us with something of our favourites (buffet dine).

I want to remind myself that my plan was unsuccessful but it’s replaced with something more meaningful.

I want to remind myself to be thankful with whatever I got and not whine over insufficiency.

I want to remind myself to be grateful and Allah will increase.

I want to remind myself that with every hardship comes ease.

I want to remind myself to not be hopeless because The help is near.

I want to remind myself that keeping faith in hard times is most rewarding.

I want to remind myself that despite all these we’re still blessed, we’re always blessed.

Things I’ve known so well but at this moment, I just want to remind myself.

Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli hal.

family

Till the next post,
SALZY

Errasy’s Birth Story

Earlier this year, I went through some tough times raising my 2 year-old toddler who was in the terrible twos phase. It was a real struggle to face his tantrums almost every single day and night when anything I did couldn’t settle his cry. Once he got disappointed just for a tiny thing, his tantrums would last up to more than an hour with non-stop crying and screaming. Can you imagine?

I was so stressed and felt like giving up. One night I isolated myself away and decided to blog about him and his current temperament so I poured all my unhappy feelings in a note book for me to type later. Today is his birthday. I flipped the notes that I wrote months ago and somehow, it curved a smile on my face. The tough motherhood phase has passed; my baby is now a happy boy! At least most of the time, not like before Alhamdulillah. So I cancelled my intention to write all the things in my notes because today is his 3rd birthday, I wanna reminisce the sweet memories of me giving birth to him.

Errasy was born through a planned C-section. I was all awake during the operation waiting for my baby to be pulled out from my tummy. It was a different experience, scary because when I delivered my first born, I was unconscious. This time, I savoured every moment in the operation theatre (OT) in my nervousness.

The atmosphere in the OT was quite relaxed even though everyone was moving around, here and there. I think I heard music being played if I was not mistaken but that was not my focus. During the operation, these people were having conversations with each other like there’s nothing going on in the room when actually, they were cutting my tummy layer by layer okay. In my mind thinking, maybe this c-sect operation is just like cutting onions to them especially for non-emergency case like this. Haha, my God! What a creepy thinking while on the surgery table.

Now comes the most thrilling part to me. When the ‘cutting’ process was completed, they informed me that in a little while they will pull my baby out. My heart was pounding fast, excited and nervous at the same time. When they took a peek at the baby who was still positioned in my tummy, the doctor’s assistant instantly said to me – “Emmm…..the baby is just like you.” She said it in a very casual way making me feel so curious. What did she mean? What did the ‘like-you’ like? I wanted to ask but I felt so weird to be talking when I knew my tummy was wide open and bloody so I kept it to myself, wondering in silence.

In less than a minute, Errasy was safely born and immediately shown to me. Such a beautiful moment and again the assistant said to me – “See…he is so fair! Justttt like you!” Awww….. Was that what she meant earlier? I was soooo over the moon the second I heard that. Having to see my baby fresh from the oven was already wonderful, the remark from her beautifies the moment even more I was so speechless!

Errasy was then taken by the nurses and the operation continued but I couldn’t stop smiling in bliss. It was one beautiful moment throughout the delivery process that will forever stay in my memory. The words “the baby is just like you, he is so fair just like you” stuck in my mind repeatedly whenever I throwback my second maternity journey and even every time when I look at my baby who now has turned 3 years old, today.

errasy newborn

Excuse this vain mommy people! Haha… the same comment if uttered at any other time wouldn’t make me feel flattered like this. It’s just because it happened at that very time, it created an unforgettable mommy-moment to me and I gotta record it in words, mind me. Hehe.. And I believe every mother also has her own exclusive cloud nine moment when giving birth to each child, right! *Care to explain. Ahaks*

My second baby, my second pregnancy. His coming was a surprise, I didn’t expect that I’d get pregnant again when my first born was only 10 months old. Such an unexpected gift, enlivens our lives with his funny characters I called him an entertainer in this family.

ayadean

Dear Errasy Eddean,

Happy 3rd Birthday my baby! May you grow healthy, wealthy, wise and lucky. Be a good boy now and rise as a good man in the future. Thank you for bringing so much happiness to us, we’re so blessed to have you as that cutie little brother. Stay close and clingy to Mom as you always do, I may seem annoyed with your childishness but please know that, deep inside my heart I’m loving every bit of it!

Mom loves you so much, Ayash Ayadean.. Always, and forever. Happy Birthday. 

Till the next post,
SALZY