How Tests Are Meant To Be

January delayed post

I was away from my country around these dates a year ago, I brought myself to the most grandiose place of worship in the world; Mecca. It has been a year?? It feels just like yesterday! Everything was still so vivid, so near to my virtual vision sometimes I don’t feel like I’ve left the place. But it’s been a year already I can’t believe.

My trip began on 20th January 2017, we were supposed to touch down Medina on the 20th itself, night time. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, we only arrived at noon of 22nd January. Two days of delay? Read here to know what’s happened.

Five times of flight delay with so many problems in between Astraghfirullah I couldn’t believe it happened. I’m not a frequent traveller, I never faced travelling issues and I’m not a flexible person. As much as I know everything is not under my control, I’m still very dependant to my plans and hard to tolerate uncertainties. Still with all these facts, things happened and became an experience to me. Now that “I’ve been there” for such cases.

My feelings throughout the first three delays were actually very okay. Because you know, we’re about to head to perform ibadah I was so in a peaceful vibe. I’ve cleansed my heart from hatred and dissatisfaction weeks prior to that and set to face everything with an open heart. So when things like these happened, I was so in control and kept faith that everything would be okay and we’d fly through eventually.

Even though we had to be waiting so long, even though we had to move back and forth to the hotel, I was all fine. I took everything as a blessing in disguise like we’re compensated with a nice hotel room, we got all day free delicious buffet spread and that we’re still safe in our country. Plus, I was all the time with my mom so when Mama is around, what else matters right? We spent our free time discussing about our schedules in Saudi, my mom recalled her experience and all that jazz.

Everything was initially, fine.

Until the 4th delay.
Until the fuss that went on with the tardy passengers.
Until I had to sleep on the floor at the waiting area.
Until the 5th delay.
Until we had to return to the hotel for the second time, with our checked-in luggage.
Until the system down for 3 hours on the 6th attempt to check-in.
Until the technical issue with the printed tickets.

Until alllll those, my patience ground finally became uneven. My hopeless-self started to get into character. The positive vibes in me had scattered around the airport and evaporated nowhere. I was all annoyeddd…!

But what to do? What did I get to do when everyone was also facing the same thing like I was? I had my mom there, I had my relatives there and other pilgrims too I can’t be blowing up my anger right in front of them all, no?

Zikr, zikr, zikr….and reflected.

I know those all were tests from the very first delay. But when I think again, the first and second delays were actually not ‘real’ tests. Because it’s something I could easily face. It didn’t test my patience level, it didn’t break my hopeful heart, it didn’t even make me cry. Those were not actual tests for me.

Tests; are meant to be hard, are meant to shake us and are meant to suffocate our faith if it’s not too much for me to say this. When we’re in a ready position to face come what may, we could actually be tested with something out of expectation. And we cannot say things like “I can tolerate if things were the other way around but not this, particularly not this!”. We cannot say “It’s okay if  the delays happened on the return flight, not this!” No! We cannot design the tests, can we? It’s specially designated to us and we’re meant to feel shaken by that in the first place before we find the way out. That’s why it’s a TEST.

Tests can be in many forms but one thing is for sure, they’re meant to be hard. If it happens to be easy and we can face it with no or less trouble and feel that we’re strong enough, hold back; remember how tests are actually meant to be. Though we might feel that we’ve gone through a lot in life, always remember that was not the end. The end is yet to come; all that we hope for is The Help for us to go through everything well and bring us nearer to Him. After all, “Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.” [Quran, 2:286]

It was so touching arriving in Medina two days from the supposed time after so many obstacles. We couldn’t rid from feeling sad of losing two days of precious time in Medina because schedules were not adjusted. But the very first thing that the Mutawwif reminded us was to remove any remorse and be all grateful that we finally made it there safe and sound. It made our journey became more meaningful and much treasured. Thank you Allah.

Life is a test. That’s what it’s meant to be.
Tests are hard. That’s how they’re meant to be.

As ever,
SALZY

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Recap 2017 (Part 2)

READING, BLOGGING & LEARNING

In overall, I can summarize my focus of this year is of the above three things. I surrounded myself with many books and had a non-ending reading list; I’m a happy me. I blogged as I intended and I learned some things. It’s a contented year I must say despite losing myself at some points of time but all in all, Alhamdulillah.

In the past few years, I was in search of things that I could do to improve my wellbeing and upgrade my financial. I decided to get involved with businesses that I thought could make a side income for me. I was influenced by other people’s success but I forgot that money was not a wise driving factor for me personally. Other people can be very positively fervent being money-driven and can love what they do if it’s promising dollars but me? I’m just so spoilt and being in business is actually not my thing.

When thinking of 2017, I decided to do things that I love and will make me happy. I did just that and I can feel the beauty of following my heart and living simply.

UMRAH

My Umrah Trip in January was the most treasured memory of my life. I’m so grateful for it because what makes it be more meaningful to me was it happened after a huge crisis I faced in the end of 2016. It’s like a gift from Allah and 2017 will forever be a special year to me because of this.

ME-TIME

My kids are growing; they’re not babies anymore. I can feel that motherhood gets easier and less demanding compared to the years after birth. My husband can now handle the kids without me so they always had boys’ outings without Mom, doing boys thingy. And me, I’m having so much (or enough) me-time alone at home! I believe mothers would agree with me that me-time is such a luxury for us. It’s something that I really struggled about in the early years of motherhood. This year was such a honeymoon for me and I know this comfort won’t last. Soon my kids are going to school and that will add new responsibilities to me and I’m ready for that.

TOASTMASTERS

I joined Toastmasters in May 2017 and it’s the beginning of another notable journey for me. Speaking in front of many people, speaking impromptu took a lot of courage in me and it’s not just a piece of cake. I’m glad I did it anyway and I’m very consistent in attending the meetings. I happened to join the new Pathways programme and I’m quite clueless about the new format. I hope the momentum won’t drop and I’ll be more proactive in planning my speeches.

 MOVING HOUSE

It’s something unpredictable, gave us headache but made a good shift, anyway. For the record, it was our first move after 5 years of marriage with two kids.

FINANCIAL

I remember ranting about this in my Recap-2016 and too bad, it is the same again this time. Oh my God. I don’t mean to complain but for real, life is getting tougher and tougher financially. Look at the economy, the cost of living in KL nowadays honestly its killing. When it comes to money, it’s all about surviving months to months and every payday makes a “phewwww, we survived!” kinda relief. Or is this just a phase that we have to go through? We began building life for a better future but it’s also taking its toll on us. This is just a phase, I keep telling myself. I don’t mean to blindly rant but I want to remember this significant chapter of our journey. Things will change sooner or later and after all, it’s all about the rezeki that we totally have to rely on Allah and rezeki is not just about money! Shukr for everything.

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

Alhamdulillah, it’s another healthy year for us with only slight illnesses sometimes. The kids were down to fever about 3 times this year and the worst was in September during Hajj Eid. We didn’t really raya that time. The rest was okay.

My parents turned 59 this year. They’re in good health but of course not as perfect as they’re oldster already. My dad’s diet is quite affected since a year ago; he’s turning very thin. My mom has been fine except recently she’s having problem with her ears or hearing and it’s causing her vertigo and had to undergo some tests. It got better after medications and didn’t have to further any more procedures. It’s kinda worrying to hear such things. Turning into 6 series next year, I pray for their health to always be in the best condition. Ameen.

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My beloved Abah & Mama

BIG FAMILY

In summary, my side welcomed a new niece in August; baby Amanda Sofyia – my brother’s second daughter. And another brother got engaged which means we’ll be welcoming a new in-law next year. May Allah ease the plan. No new addition on my husband’s side, everyone is growing existing families.

NEW PET

Should this be a highlight? Of course! Haha. We have a new resident in this home and it’s a bird. It’s a small type of parrot called a Budgie bird and my son named her as “Somey-somey”. Haha. It’s supposed to be “Comel-comel” but Edhany lisps the letter “C” so that’s what happened. It’s all about the kids anyway; it’s what they wished for because kids love animals! Except me when I was a kid. Haha. Began on 4th December of 2017 and more updates on this in later post.

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Somey-somey 🙂

KIDS GOING TO SCHOOL

Or actually, kindergarten. Last year, we were contemplating about sending our 4-year-old son to school this year. There is a choice whether to basically start them at 4 or 5 years old. We were totally not mentally ready for the new commitment and decided to begin in 2018 with both boys going at the same time. It was just kindy but really a big deal for us to actually decide the best for our kids. I cannot imagine determining universities later. We studied things carefully, tawakkal as much and signed up this one. Next week is the time and I’ve been having mixed feelings knowing the fact that my babies are heading to another phase of life!! How time flies.

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Kindy stuff  of Little Caliphs

I’M PREGNANT

I’m pregnant of baby number 3. Alhamdulillah :). After months of contemplating whether or not we should be adding a new member in this family, it finally happened at the time we least expected it. I discovered this pregnancy in November and now I’m in the 12th week. Since then, morning sicknesses got so dominant I don’t have control over my body anymore. It happened to be in the year-end – the time of the year that I usually got really eager preparing for the New Year from the planner-stuff, goals settings and recapping memories all that but this time? I was just all lying down at home for many weeks and gone on MC for many days. Too bad, too bad but finally in this final week of 2017 I get up and fight all that. The whole year has been so good I can’t just end it like nothing happens. So here I am, wrapping up my 2017 in two posts that I will want to re-read one day. Now let’s keep all the pregnancy stories of the first trimester in a special post in 2018! Maybe this blog will return to its original purpose which was a Motherhood blog, right? Will see…! Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah and welcome “Lil’ in Me No. 3”.

upt

Positive 🙂

THE END

That’s all about it. I love this year very much. Good Bye 2017.

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Till the next post,
SALZY

A Stranger That Inspires

I think it’s a bit weird for me to be talking about someone that I never knew. In fact, I never knew this person at all when she was still alive. Just right after she left this world, then only I got to know about her existence. A stranger that I couldn’t identify any mutual acquaintance between us, not even one. Nonetheless, the story of her life has gripped my heart in a very mesmerizing way.

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Photo Source : Instagram @nikidznidalila

 

The Late Nik Idzni Dalila Binti Nik Mahmud – a grown girl, 25-year-old when she passed on, a student then a doctor, a wife, a cancer-fighter.

The day that she passed away on 27th December 2016, the social media has gone viral by the news. I was first not interested with it but the level of “virality” was so high that everyone was sharing the posts with crying emoji and I kept seeing the husband and wife’s pictures with screenshotted captions crossing through my timeline. Too much, I thought…‘What’s the hype?’ So I clicked on.

From one article to another, one Instagram post to the next, scrolling and scrolling, I then became very perplexed! It’s so like a made-up story. This girl was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer, still wanted to continue study, stayed far away from home, found love to a very devoted guy, got married though she’s in that condition, finished studies, became a doctor, health got worse, resigned, came back home, passed away on the very first wedding anniversary! Are these all true?? I didn’t believe it’s a real story, did you?

I stalked all the pictures and was also directed to her blog. Days spent reading almost everything, it was first really heart-breaking but as I read and read, I found that this girl was truly a living proof of miracle! Her life, her illness, her very strong self, put together made one of a kind character that taught me so much real life lessons and impacted me in a way that left me thinking and reflecting about so many things in my life. I was like given answers I’ve been puzzling for so long. And what made me felt more touched was because all these things came through someone who’s no longer around. One whom I don’t and won’t ever get the chance to know in person. A stranger, but truly a godsend that had inspired me through her words she left visible.

I believe there were many other people in kinda similar situations like her but maybe she’s the one that Allah chose to flick my heart and send His messages to me. I learnt from her that being sick is truly a blessing from Allah, it’s not an unfortunate event, not a bad luck. That’s how we always perceived bad things – not just sickness but any difficulties. The way she treated this test from Allah was really extraordinary. She recognized every blessing she gained despite having the cancer and chose to be grateful for everything. When I felt like how lucky she was to be herself, I asked myself; ‘She’s sick, she got c.a.n.c.e.r, she died at only 25… How could I say she’s lucky for all that?’ From there I understand the true meaning of “blessing” in a way that I never deeply thought of.

She inspired me to blog. You know I’d been contemplating to blog for so long. I had long lists of things discouraging me from taking the plunge but most of all was because I feared that I’d regret of what I write myself. I was afraid that in future I realize what I’ve written was all crap. I was scared of being fooled by my own words. But in her blog profile she said this;

A single statement above was like resolving all my contemplations. She’s so full of courage to say this, I was so moved. I can read hundreds of blogs and get inspired, I can read fancy popular blogs and feel enthusiastic to do the same but nothing, nothing really beats my doubt to actually get started. 5 days after her passing, the New Year slipped in and I delayed no more. That’s how it started with many more blogging inspirations I obtained implicitly from her. Truly, she’s the reason for this.

In January this year, I went for Umrah and it was about a month after I knew about this wonderful soul. On my last round; I performed the Badal Umrah for her. It was just spontaneous when I was about to pronounce my niat, I thought of her in my mind so I dedicated the Umrah for her. After I completed the Badal Umrah, I was drawn with a sense of guilt in me. I doubted my action about doing it for her, who was a total stranger. I knew it was already my fourth round of Umrah, all our late relatives have been covered for Badal (by my mom and brother as well) but I still felt that I should’ve prioritized at least someone that I knew in person, not an unknown at all to me. But it’s all done, I wondered why must I still feel that way? I returned home with this unsettled feeling.

Back home, I told my husband about this ‘conflict’ within me. I thought I just wanted to express my feelings but finally my husband came out with something so relieving. He said; “It’s okay, you don’t have to feel this way. Maybe that was a blessing from Allah to her, through you. Maybe when the time you want to niat that, Allah made you think of no one else but her, though she’s just a stranger to you. It’s Allah’s will specially for her; I guess it’s nothing to be felt guilty of?”

I felt like a heavy load in my heart was vanished at all. That was really, really, really calming. Because true! I did not plan that? Her name instantly crossed my mind at that very moment. Indeed it’s Allah’s will, I feel so overwhelmed to be clarified this way. Because if really that’s how Allah blessed her for the strong faith she kept through her tough times in the dunya, isn’t it an ultimate success? Think that, if everything that we have to go through in life is to promise Allah’s blessings for us in the hereafter, what else matters? T_T

I just hope that my Umrah obligations were all valid and accepted and from up there, she would gain the rewards too. May Allah forgive her sins, grant her Jannah and reunite her with all her loved ones one day. This world is indeed temporary; we all will be there too.

It’s been exactly a year since the day she returned to the Creator, and it’s been a year too I’m living life through her wisdoms. If I were to be asked; who is one person that has changed my life in 2017? I’d say it’s definitely her. On earth, we’re two total strangers that had never met eyes, never crossed paths. But in two different worlds, I feel so related to her and this connection I believe comes from Allah as spiritual guidance for me to cruise this life more wisely. Thank you Stranger, for all the things you had done.

Rest in peace, Allahyarhamah Nik Idzni Dalila Binti Nik Mahmud (1991-2016)

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Photo Source : Instagram @nikidznidalila

Innalillahiwainnailaihiraji’un

Till the next post,
SALZY

Add a Fun Fact

I’m so having fun with this new function “Add a fun fact” on Facebook. Well, you know.. just answering random questions about anything related to yourself. I’ve been spamming the timeline with so many posts feeling like a celebrity being interviewed. Haks..

There are actually books like this. I have one titled “If… (Questions For The Game of Life)”. It listed hundreds of random questions began with “If..” or “What if…” to make us imagine a situation we’ve rarely been in and what or how we gotta do about it. It makes us think about all possibilities in this world, go crazy in our answers or even sometimes reveal an ugly honest confession. After all it’s just an “if” situation so whatever is harmless, no? Years after, go back to the book and re-see your answers. It can be some kind of entertainment, you know!

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Source : Sara Healy Blog

Ha… I’m reminded of the time when I was a kid in school, I really loved to write sets of Biodata in my books. The more questions listed, the more excited I got. I really have a thing about this even until now, haha. When I started blogging last time, one of the ways for me to produce an entry was by copying a template of questions and I’d answer from there. Simple!

So now, because I have done enough spamming on the timeline yet still addicted with this add-a-fun-fact function on FB, let me migrate the questions here. Hehe. p/s ~ Questions were answered in casual and did not involve deep thinking. Just for fun!

The thing or person I miss most from my childhood is…
I prefer being adult so I don’t really miss the things in my childhood but the person I miss most is Che’ my beloved late grandma.

When I’m sick all I want is…
Medicine that cures the fastest!

My greatest passions in life are…
Books!

An author whose work changed my life is…
Joseph Murphy.

If I could pick an age to be for the rest of my life, I’d pick…
Being 22. The time I was in the 3rd and final year of college.

If I had to be locked for a week in a room that was completely dark or completely bright, I’d rather…
Completely bright.

It drives me crazy when…
I have too many things to hold with my two hands.

My personal hero is…
Myself..

The hobby I most enjoy is…
Readinggg

Between the beach and the mountains, I’d rather spend time at…
The beach

If I could make one rule that everyone had to follow…
‘Don’t ask stupid questions.’

What I value most in life is…
The Quran.

If I could be any celebrity for a day, I would be…
The top notch Dato’ Sri Siti Nurhaliza.

If I could learn any skill, it would be…
The skill to fly the plane.

If I could live the life of any animated character, I would pick…
Cinderella!

The last book I read without skipping over anything was…
Any Ideas? by Rob Eastaway

My most treasured memory is…
My Umrah Trip

The one food I could never give up is…
Moist chocolate cakes!

If I could live on the set of any movie, it would be…
Any scary movie haha.

My hidden talent is…
I can’t think of…I really have none! 😦

The happiest moment of my life was…
My wedding day!

My dream vacation looks like…
Salzburg, Austria. Cause it has my name on it!

The scariest movie I’ve ever seen is…
A Korean movie I forgot what the title was.

Between the morning and the night, I prefer…
Midnight.

I’m most grateful for…
So many things.

My perfect pizza looks like…
Anything less veggie with extra cheese.

Between coffee and dessert, it would be harder for me to give up…
Not a coffee person, really a sweet tooth so you know..

The farthest I’ve ever been from home…
United Kingdom!

If I could choose to be able to teleport anywhere or read people’s minds, I’d rather…
Read people’s mind.

The best thing to do when the weather is bad…
Sleep!

If I could give my mother an award it would be for…
Her strong self, faith and patience.

The football team I’m most loyal to is…
JDT

My greatest accomplishment is…
Got a degree?

The videos that always make me laugh are…
Funny videos or anything can only make me laugh once or thrice the most. None that is really always.

My all-time favorite appetizer or snack is…
Dates.

The best things in life are…
Rezeki and Allah’s blessings.

The first thing I notice about other people is…
The color they’re wearing.

If I could be feared by all or loved by all, I’d choose to be…
Loved by all~ which is impossible

Something I find boring is…
Pointless conversations.

If I were invisible for a day, I’d…
Spy my husband. Hahaha…!

A job I’d be terrible at…
Sales & Public Relation (PR)

Between sweets and savories, I’ll always pick…
I’d love both.

The best dance move of all time is…
Fast moves.

The music genre I listen to the most is…
Ballad

The most impressive thing I know how to do is…
A very detailed plan of something, I guess?

If I could live for a week in the past or the future, I’d rather…
Time-travelling to the future!

Between earth, fire, air and water, the element I identify most with is…
Fire. Can easily identify.

The best day of the year is…
The 1st day of the year

If I could give my father an award it would be for…
His confidence to be the always right.

The superpower I want most is…
To make the kids listen and follow my words totally. And my husband too!

My favorite place to be is…
My home sweet home~

Who is the most awesome person on earth?
YOU who finished reading this post until this word! Haha 😀

Till the next post,
SALZY

I Want To Remind Myself

13th October 2017 marks 8 years anniversary of our love relationship. On the same day itself, my husband went for his company’s Annual Dinner event and brought home a lucky draw! Since when he became so lucky? Haha. It’s a Free Lunch Buffet Voucher for 2 pax @ Pullman Putrajaya Lakeside B’s Restaurant. Yeay… We consider this as our anniversary gift, then. Alhamdulillah.

pullman

Today we set to utilize the voucher. Didn’t wanna delay the pleasure and also to celebrate our son’s birthday which was two days ago. Actually, I’d been planning to organize a birthday party for him since early of this year. I’d been saving money, outlining the stuff and listing to-do’s for the event. It’s one of my important agendas for 2017 because we haven’t done any parties for him before. We did one for Dhany but none for Ayash. It’s not that it’s really a must for us do party for every birthday, but once in a while would be nice, right?

Alassss, my plan turned to no avail. Due to? Budget constraint. Haha. This year our financial goes on a roller coaster ride. I thought this is the year that we could save more for more big things upcoming. But it turns out to be just a funny thought. So many more unexpected things came rolling into our pockets and rolled out loaded. At this time, we’re just so broke! Huwarghhh…

And so I cancelled my plan to organize the birthday party for Errasy. We just couldn’t make it, baby. But with this free voucher that dropped from the sky just in time, we seized it for a little celebration with our little family.

cakes

boys

The cakes! Haha…call it a “DIY”. As long as there are candles on it, it is a birthday cake! What a cheapskate parents we are…haha. ‘Desperate time calls for desperate measures’ so mind us okay. Creative mom I am. Lol. Happy 3rd Birthday my baby Errasy! We loveeee you.

We spent two hours indulging the foods and later sightseeing around the hotel area and went home with happy tummies. Free meals are always extra delicious, right? Hehe. Thank you Allah for today and I’m taking some time now for a gratitude moment.

At this moment, I want to remind myself that even in time that we can call ‘hard times’ like this, we still have the opportunity to have fancy meals at a lavish place.

I want to remind myself that at the time we thought we couldn’t spare any money for self-reward like always, a lucky draw decided to reward us with something of our favourites (buffet dine).

I want to remind myself that my plan was unsuccessful but it’s replaced with something more meaningful.

I want to remind myself to be thankful with whatever I got and not whine over insufficiency.

I want to remind myself to be grateful and Allah will increase.

I want to remind myself that with every hardship comes ease.

I want to remind myself to not be hopeless because The help is near.

I want to remind myself that keeping faith in hard times is most rewarding.

I want to remind myself that despite all these we’re still blessed, we’re always blessed.

Things I’ve known so well but at this moment, I just want to remind myself.

Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli hal.

family

Till the next post,
SALZY

Forgiving When Not Even Sorry

The past week was depressing to me. I was hurt, I was offended. Something happened that didn’t only make it a bad day but a bad week as a whole. I think I haven’t felt this kind of feelings for so long. Problems come and go but rarely it’s about something that makes me feel so offensive. This time, it was just frustrating enough.

I was so down, I tried to control myself and told myself to forget it and not to feel so bad for what’s happened but I just couldn’t keep it silent. I’ve learnt to let off things but this; I couldn’t just ignore the issue so I confronted the person. Sadly, badly, the person was not even sorry for what I felt and it’s just taking my anger to another level – depression!

For days I’d been agitated. Life has been a bit challenging lately but I maintained positivity with me but this thing was just making things worse. After a week or so whining in this gloomy feeling, I told myself to stop and deal with it. Deal with this feeling because dealing with human did not work. At least I tried.

In my quiet time, I self-talked to understand myself. I made it clear of what I was so sad about it and why. I knew the root cause that triggered my anger and I knew the solution was to confront and I was all ready to forgive but…………..the person was not even sorry! Just how could it be? That was actually the reason for my lengthy despair. Yes, a week spent in tears is long okay, I’ve been wasting time.

And so I told myself to forgive, forgive without an apology. Honestly I felt so hard to do that cause I was so hurt so again I made it clear for myself as to why do I have to forgive?

First, I wanna do this for Allah, Lillahi Taala. Taking the person aside, this thing was a test for me on how I would react to it and for it to be a test; of course it’s hard. Allah knows I feel tough about it so when I try to fight this feeling, He looks at my effort. May He have mercy on me and make it easy. Istighfar a lot!

Second, I wanna do this for myself. This pathetic state shouldn’t last for long. I have a lot of things to attend to and time is ticking. This year is reaching the end so let’s get busy as always! Not just by forgetting about it but forgiving it. Trying to forget the hurtful thing is a method of ignoring but no this is not my way. How can you tell yourself to just forget it when you’re not senile? I want to forgive this in a way that I acknowledged my feeling, I entertained it for a certain reasonable period and I expressed it out – through cries and through this; writing. Writing is my intangible medication and by writing about this, I got a clearer vision of my reasons to forgive and may this also serve as a reminder for me whenever I am recalled about this through evil’s whispers. Oh God, please keep it away from me.

Lastly down to karma. No, I don’t mean for karma to happen to the person who has hurt my heart but rather, it might be a karma that’s serving me back for what I’ve done. Maybe I did this to other people; the same exact thing or anything that played with someone’s feelings too. I must have, and I did not apologize. Always we heard when one was being mistreated or betrayed, he would say ‘oh wait for karma to pay you back!’, not realizing that what was happening might be the karma to him, actually. So yeah, this may be the reason why I don’t deserve an apology. I’m sorry…

Spreading these whole things cloudless, I see it’s very little to associate the person and the apology that I demanded as the matter-of-fact. Majorly, it’s about me! Our problems, our disappointments; more often than not they’re about us and how we deal with it. The people, the surroundings, the other little problems that we thought making things worse are all just the characters in this episode. And again it’s a test. We may say that “I forgive people every day, every night, I live with no grudge.” But when the real test strikes, you know it’s not that easy this time, not as always. Just remember, this is when our faith is going to be leveled up. Stay strong inside!

To know this, I then separate the offence from the person who’d hurt me so now, the person is standing free from the mistake. Things happened, it did what it did so now what’s left is just me to spell out my forgiveness.

And so I forgive this person, with all my heart.

i forgive you

 

End of my forgiving-without-an-apology process, you’re welcome =D.

Till the next post,
SALZY