Winning & Losing

“Playing sports prepares you for life.” The quote that I came across only in my 30’s just to spank me that I’ve never really played sports so I am never prepared for life! “There’s a discipline, there’s a force to it. It created certain habits that I still follow today. I had to go to practice. I had to run suicides. I’m not going to let myself get tired. When you challenge your mind and body like that, it tends to bring out the warrior.” – Common @ Rashid. Well, kudos to those who have been living life sporty! I guess I’m too late already so let’s just survive.

We ended our April with hubby’s racing competition. The whole weekend was spent at the Sepang circuit cheering for Ayah. The kids had fun running here and there while I almost fainted chasing them. Well it’s still fun, babysitting in a different environment. Haha. The race was fine on the first day but contrary on day 2. My husband crashed and did not finish the game, injured a bit.

We went home and chit-chat about the race – our usual postmortem where Hubby recalled his performance and mistakes he made. To me, getting involved in rough games like this is just troubling yourself. That’s why I don’t play sports, let alone competitions. Or even examinations by choice. You gotta deal with the stress prior to the match or test, and afterwards, if you lost or failed it, you’re down to frustration! And shame some more.. Losing is embarrassing, no? It’s like having a big “L” stuck on your forehead anywhere you go. This is not my thing.

Anyways, that’s just my say. Conversely to my Hubby, he has an opposite idea of what competition is all about. Firstly he said, racing is his passion. He loves Motorsports so much he could just enjoy himself by going for a ride hitting cool corners or joining open track days if he really wants to whip on the circuit. But, entering competition is another thing.  If I said dealing with the pressure is all the fuss, that’s what he wants – the pressure that he can’t gain from any fun rides. Only in competitions, he learns to deal with the pressure and the way he copes with it determines his performance. If it’s not a competition, he could hit his target time and apply all the skills he’s learned but in real game? It’s not that easy. The challenge that it’s not only about winning over others but actually more to building strength in yourself to defeat the pressure in YOU. Yea.. I did see him isolating himself minutes before the race began. The do-not-disturb moment, the pressure-coping moment.

But then, what about losing? Yeah you learnt something but isn’t it frustrating going home empty handed after all the effort and investment? “The point is to Never Give Up.” His all-time motto that he always pronounced in arabic – “La’ Tai-asu”. Winning or losing; it’s not the end of everything. Winning is good, but you also can’t be on the cloud nine for too long or it will just build up ego in you that ‘I’m the champ, I’m the best’. Losing? Grasp these words – “I never lose, either I win or I learn”. There’s always next time to do better and try harder. The way he deals with it is always by reminding himself that this is a give and take with Allah. Getting the chance to join the race with sponsorship is already a blessing, not getting a place and collided some more is just something he got to tolerate and redha. I guess, it’s a balanced mindset to be moderate in both situations, for both results. After all, things weren’t worse and there’s another coming game he’s looking forward to!

This conversation changed my all-my-life perspectives on competitions and sports – just another view to agree with the quote above. So, any contest I can join to challenge myself now? Hahaha… Better not! I still need time to process this new thought because I’m a bit old already. No, not too late but please expect slow progress. Haha.

For now, let’s aim the kids. This conversation also stroke me that, it’s good to encourage the kids to join competitions from the early school years and all the way growing up. Real life is full of challenges and failure is something humans cannot avoid at some points – of course, nobody wins all the time. And by being in competitions, we parents can teach them motivations to cope with the stress, deal with disappointment and manage winning excitement – so they can apply everything in their life. A way to discipline and build up confidence in them and also to know their strengths and weaknesses, interests and dislikes. Wow I speak like an expert when it’s actually not my forte. Surely when the time comes, I gotta push everything to Hubby to handle the kids, and mom too!

Till the next post,
SALZY

Teachers of Life

I thought I don’t wanna make this blog a date-oriented one. Like when it’s anniversary, I reminisce anniversaries. Birthdays, I make wishes. Special celebrations I talk about it too oh too cliche but somehow that’s how it seems. Haha.. Maybe because when I check my planner and it marks these important dates, it gives me ideas to write. Nonetheless it’s just my first year of re-blogging, let’s just say that it’s my style. Lol.

So it’s Teacher’s Day here. I wanna make a tribute to my special teachers…who, don’t have that official teacher-title and didn’t go through certified degree to educate but somehow, become the ones who gave me the most lessons…in life.

My Dad. Back in the time when I was a little girl, my dad was a busy man. With the professional career he held and a business he ran all by his own and my mom, he used to not have much time with us. Whenever he’s home, we all must eat together and that’s the time we would have conversations and he would do the talking. He talked a lot and repetitively the same things. One of the things he always emphasized was something that I thought I did not pay so much attention to, but actually had been absorbed in my mind and my whole body and finally shaped me as I am today. That is – The Importance of Planning. Really. You can ask all my siblings and if they couldn’t recall, that tells you they literally slept on the dinner table.

And that’s what I am now. I basically plan everything. If not in detailed in my planner, on any rough papers. I don’t jump onto the road not knowing where to go. I plan earlier. If I don’t have a single pen, my mind would be chaotically ordering things. When an urgency occurs, I’d get panic in an instant for things that didn’t go as I planned. I take this as both my strength and my weakness but all in all, this is me. Thank you Abah for shaping a unique criteria in me to live my life. I appreciate it.

My Mom.  If I were to write a biography of her life, it’s gonna be a thick series. My mom has gone through a lot in life, even until these days. She is one strong woman that if all her trials were to be accumulated to embody herself, she would stand like a real iron lady with a sword. The sword is her faith in Allah that everything happens for a good reason if not now, someday.

My mother grew up without a mother. Her mom passed on when she was only 10 years old. That maybe the reason why my mom is a bit less affectionate with us, the children. I couldn’t recall my mom calling us “sayang” or something like that and even if we said “I love you” to her, she would reply with – “Okay”. Still, this doesn’t make her less of a mother. Her devotion to the family is priceless and that is true love. This tells me that the way we were brought up will influence the way we parent our kids too. We may copy exactly the same style if we think that’s just the way it is, or take a total opposite if we wished things were different. In the end, we will realize that there’s no perfect way to raise a child and being a mother is all about giving our best to the family, no matter what happens.

My Mom is so generous she gives endlessly. Her giving personality is mainly what I grew up watching. But somehow, I don’t think the attitude liberally flows in my blood as I’m always worried of insufficiency – typical insecurity. But of course I wanna be like her too. So one day I asked her, “Ma, whenever you give, I mean donate, what is actually in your mind? What makes you always wanna give? Aren’t you afraid that your money would go zero before you could refill your purse? Or, is it that, you keep telling yourself – ‘the more you give, the more you will get’? Is that your motivation?” And my long tiring question was only answered with – “I don’t know. I just give”. That’s all. It kept me quiet for a moment to digest that short reply because it’s so deep. Deeply teaching me – sincerity. Without being mentioned, without explanation. Thank you Mama for the hidden wake up call. I will better myself.

Last but not least, My Husband. The one that came into my life much later than other teachers but gradually becomes the one who taught me very much lessons too. Among the first things he taught me in the early days after the wedding was, cooking. Haha.. Yes, I was one spoiled girl who grew up with most things being prepared by the maid so cooking requirement was definitely a big deal for me to get married. Thank God for someone who didn’t only accept my imperfection but also turn it into an improvement.

My Husband. He possesses creative skills and thinking which I hope will be inherited to the boys too. He is my reference for any matters I doubt, especially on religious issues, I can rely on him – at least as a first opinion. In marriage, we are two very different persons making arguments our recurrent dealings. I take every clash as a lesson though most times, it took some time for me to see the silver linings. Directly and indirectly, all that come from or through him are special messages to me. The point is to think.

My Dad, my Mom and my Husband, are godsends as the Teachers of My Life. The very personal ones. WhatsApp Image 2017-05-18 at 6.13.38 PM1

Till the next post,
SALZY

EE Turns 33

When he caught his first white hair on his beard his reaction was,

“Wow, the next Amitabh Bachchan is in the making!” 

Haha… This is the very foremost person I met who is that excited about getting old. Normally, people would freak-out. I mean, that’s me.

Yesterday he turned 33, my Husband. I planned to make a little surprise birthday celebration with the kids for him. The best time to teach them what “Surprise” is.

Buy a cake and candles – pick-up the kids early – cook dinner – pray Maghrib – and – get the kids ready to eye at the window checking for their father’s arrival.

That was the plan. Lately has been busy period so I was very sure he gotta come back late!

When I picked-up the kids from the babysitter, I briefed them about what we’re gonna do and they were like, “Ooooo OK OK OK”. Especially my first son, he understood the idea and got excited. On the way up to our apartment, we talked about that too and were like yeahhh let’s do this Ayah’s gonna be surpriseddd!

And suddenly out of nowhere…. GAHHH!!!

-End of story-

My plans met end of story. Why on earth did he come back early today?? I was stunned looking at him laughing a proud laughter that everyone was shocked! We got in the house laughing and yeah he knew it already! He did hear our conversation earlier cesss!

But because the kids were excited and did not understand that the plan has spoiled, I thought we should go on with it. Asked hubby to go in the room and we prepped the cake and lighted up candles. Shouted “DONE!”, he’s out andddd…..surpriseeee!!! HAHAHAHA. That’s it. Our first Mom-and-kids surprise plan for Ayah’s 33rd birthday! Soooo spoiled yet so memorable. ❤

Happy 33rd Birthday My Love. The kids learned something today. 🙂

Till the next post,
SALZY

Made My Day Enough

The whole world celebrated women on the 8th of March 2017. Companies had events for the women in the offices, they gave flowers or chocolates, shops had discounts specially for ladies, clubs did charity sales for single mothers and the social media timelines were all loaded with the wishes…“Happy International Women’s Day!”

When the world was making us feel special for that one day, I did not even get a single wish from my dear Husband. How sweet is that? Knowing the fact that he is not really a date-conscious person, I was sure he had no idea IWD ever existed. Even for birthdays or anniversaries, I got to hint him earlier so that there won’t be any fights afterwards. Typical man, poor wife..Haha.

So yeah I did not really expect anything on this IWD but still, he gotta feel guilty okay! The next day I said to him…

Me : You know yesterday was International Women’s Day? Of course you know, I even mentioned about it on my FB. You don’t even bother to wish me. *pretentious-sulk*

Him : You’re not a woman! You’re a girl…

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Awwww…. I’m melted! Hahahaha..

Even though that’s such an escape I know!! But still… that made my day enough. Of course receiving roses is special but telling me I’m young as a girl in that spontaneous reaction made me feel so flattered! I accept that and you’re off-guilt, Eddy Erman…only for this time!

Till the next post,
SALZY

Atmosphere 360

Let me recall a bit our anniversaries celebrations for the past years :

1st anniversary (2013) I was heavily 8-month pregnant of our first baby, I don’t remember a proper celebration. Maybe just a casual dinner of two.

2nd anniversary (2014) was special. The morning of 18th February I found out that we’re pregnant of our second baby when our first boy was only 10 months old! It was like a surprise gift for us so we celebrated it eagerly. Had a special lunch, had a cake. Was nice 🙂

3rd anniversary (2015) we’re already a family of four. Had a family occasion and were not in town so we missed out the special date.

4th anniversary (2016), no celebration for no reason. Maybe we’re just busy juggling with life and just didn’t bother meaningful dates. No good no good..

5th anniversary….this year, we made it to the top. Hehe. We went to KL Tower and had buffet lunch at the Revolving Restaurant. I loveeee buffets so much buffet dine makes me happy! It’s not that I can eat all the menus but the fact that we own that wide range selections of what-to-eat is luxurious. Ahaa greedy.. My favourite section is definitely, desserts! And of course, free buffet is much more exciting :p.

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It’s my second time there. The first time was with the same person, but whom I called my boyfriend. It was dinner time and so romantic. But one frustrating thing was, the handphone that he took our pictures together broke down and we lost the pictures. I didn’t even take one picture with mine and that time was not a Whatsapp era yet. So we have no keepsakes for the memory, I don’t even remember exactly when was that, what I wore and which handbag I brought. What a loss, right?? Haha..but it’s okay, we still have our minds to recall each other that we were once there!

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Now that we’re back with the kids, for our 5th wedding anniversary. I’m so happy with my little family, I hope this marriage will last till the end of time. I dream for this marriage and all its content to be the reason for us to go to Jannah. How big my dream is… May Allah show us the way and grant us the strength to hold our responsibilities sincerely. To my dear heroic Husband, I love you.

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Till the next post,

SALZY

What I Learned From 5 Years of Marriage

18 February 2017 was my 5th wedding anniversary with my beloved Husband. They say, the first 5 years is the first phase of marriage. That means we’ve passed the first phase but what’s the score? Question is, how many phases does a marriage have? Haha.

So what has 5 years taught me so far? A lot! Too many.. Rewinding 5 years, I believe the person I tied the knot with is not completely the same person anymore. Same goes to me! Time changed, things changed, people changed. We went through a lot, we grew from just a couple to parents and to parents-of-two. We love, we argue, we discuss, we fight, we rekindle and repeat. Enduring and enjoying everything in 5 years, these 3 marriage lessons I’d love to share.

BEING A SUPPORTIVE PARTNER. “Behind every successful man, there stands a woman.” But the woman is not only standing. She has to faithfully support her partner for what he chased for. The problem is, how are you going to support a partner doing something you don’t like? Here comes tolerance. Tolerance can be the most common advice we hear about marriage but one that takes the most effort too. Marrying someone who loves Motorsport so much and devotes himself into it, while I have no idea and no interest about it all, was no fun. Tolerance is just overrated, ignorance is better. So I never really involved myself into his activities and avoided any conversation related to it. When he wanted to chit-chat about his rides, I changed topics. When he watched racing shows, I left.

Until I realized these behaviours slowly bored our marriage, I decided to change. I love him and love is about accepting the total person, including his pursuit. I changed my prayers from hoping him to stop doing what he’s doing; to asking Allah to open my heart to love and support my husband’s true passion. I ask Allah to keep him safe all the time, keep myself calm from worrying so much on the risks and a lot more. I also pray for Allah to reward him with winnings if it’s good for him. After all, I thank Allah for destining this kind of partner to me. It’s not that I have an abusive husband! And you know what? Wonderfully since then, I see more rezeki coming his way in that aspect. He began to get opportunities to join track days at the Sepang Circuit, built a team, entered the Malaysian Superbike Championship 2016, received sponsorship and won podium positions. Alhamdulillah. It’s not that I’m saying it all because of me, but I learned that by supporting my husband, for the sake of Allah, we are happier.

RESPECT FOR FAITH. Generally, we respect people for some qualities in themselves and one of them is for being responsible. If someone who has the responsibility on us (in any other aspects, not marriage) and he or she is really responsible, we’d respect him for what he is or what he’s done. Sometimes, we choose not to respect the person because he is not fully responsible so he doesn’t deserve it. Common humane behaviour.

But in marriage, respecting the husband is an obligation come what may. Do we have a choice not to? Yes, it’s the same like choosing to go straight to hell. Nauzubillah! But then again,  being a normal human and standing on a position titled ‘Wife’, I can’t avoid being selfish and demanding too. From the basic necessities to extra money to household chores to emotional attention to children to future plannings to everything; so I will respect him. Because? Those are his responsibilities. Question is, are we married to a perfect person? No, nobody in this world is perfect, nor our partners or ourselves. Still, obeying the husband is the key to Jannah. We can’t apply that common humane behaviour, above, in marriage because that’s not what we’re taught of. That’s why we are always reminded to say “I love you for the sake of Allah”. Have faith, remember the reward that Allah has promised and remember the punishment too if we don’t! 😥

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PRAYERS CAN CHANGE. Everyone has a dream marriage or nowadays what people hashtag : #relationshipgoals. We want partners who tolerate, communicate well, be there when in need, is pious, loyal, all ears, appreciative, romantic…all sorts of qualities. And these all, we can mindlessly gain them in the beginning of the marriage, sounds right? Newlyweds oxytocin hormone :D. But along the way with our daily routines, occasional problems arisen and also knocking parenthood, we might overlook our partner once and that only can stop us doing our loving acts and slowly fade the spark in the relationship. Or, you never even had the kind of relationship you wanted? You’ve tried but all you get is frustration? I tell you, prayers can change, prayers do change. To me, stop putting so much effort to gain our partner’s attention because we are women. We don’t chase. Men come to us. Hahaha… Jokes aside, prayers work miraculously. If you believe in your #relationshipgoals and it’s for the sake of Allah, never stop hoping. Pray harder.

Entering the 6th year and more to count, I am pretty nervous of what’s coming. The past 5 years were a bumpy ride but we made it thus far. Things I mentioned above are still the things I’m learning to master. This post serves as a reminder to myself in the future. If you found it beneficial to you, I’m happy. If not, I apologized and please take it as words from just a 5-year-old girl in the world of marriage, still young! 🙂

Till the next post,

SALZY

My Husband, My Life

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This is my hubby! Beloved hubby, his name is Eddy and he’s 2 years older than I am. We got married on 18th February 2012 in the most wonderful solemnization event! Hehehe… Just a short intro.. If you wanna know about our love story, on how we first met, visit My Kunang-Kunang! Haha…klu nak tau lahhh….x interesting ponn….just an ordinary one, but of course memorable to us!

Now enjoy our  engagement and wedding pics below…Cant wait to start about my pregnancy story! 😛

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~ This was our “Once Upon A Time” ~