Three Repetitive Advices

Don’t you notice that when we live with a same person for a significant number of years, the person tends to indirectly talk about a particular thing over and over again?

Today marks 6 years of me living with my husband in a happy marriage. We talked a lot, every single day about many things but when I looked back, I realized there are things that we talked so repetitively about. Or, he, what I actually meant here.

He talked about something once, certain points, with certain wordings, clearly, understood and absorbed by me but later, not long after, he mentions about it again. Of the same points. Of the same wordings. That sometimes makes me think that ‘is this devaju? ‘No, it’s not. It really did happen before. He really did say it before. But he’s repeating the sameeee things so when I said “ya you’ve said this before” he would just say “ya, that’s about it.” Them urm, okay.

And not long after, he’d say it again. Or maybe long after, but not long enough as my memory is still retaining the facts oh why on earth must he be mentioning things many times? Do you live with this kind of creatures? Or are we all like this too? Haha me maybe, without realizing it.

Along with our anniversary, I’m writing down these 3 advices from my husband that I’ve heard countless of times in these 6 tender years.

First, is to never say “IF” or “IF ONLY” or “WHAT IF?”

Like “If only I had done this the other way around, things would’ve turned out much better.” – this, in regards of being regret of things that had happened or been done.

Or another way is in regard of overthinking of what’s gonna happen in the future that’s beyond our control.

But this if-ness is so me. It’s like built-in within myself that makes it a habit of mine. I’m saying and I’m thinking of these if’s like all the time and I relate it to all things. Hurm, that’s why I grew up being such an overthinker who tries to control everything which ended up making me feel stressed of my own.

And because of this, I don’t like him to remind me to not overthink or to not say what-ifs because it’s natural and I think it’s necessary to be well-prepared of whatevs. But this too actually comes from a hadith that says ‘If only’ opens the door to Shaytaan’s whispering.” 

Now what, self? It’s forbidden by the religion, by Allah and by the Prophet (pbuh)! And it’s reminded through my husband in his repetitive advice that I really have to hold on to myself and keep close, and to not say ‘if’ excessively till it could become a sin. Things happened means things happened. Accept, and submit, full stop. Phew, this is hard! But, Lillahi Ta’ala, I’m trying my best!

Second, is to never discriminate the love for kids

When I was a little girl, I was so conversant with these ‘family terms’ that people called a certain child as the “golden child” and the other certain as the “black sheep”. I was so familiar to observing families or siblings of many that they must have these two subjects among them. I thought it’s a normal thing. I thought it’s possible for a parent to love one child more than another just for what they deserved based on education, or behaviours, or prettiness? For God’s sake!

But with my husband, he objects the facts of that ‘family terms’ in total and disapproves it to exist in our family at all. He always reminds us (me and him too) to never discriminate the love for kids. Each one deserves equal yet total loves and attentions from us no matter how clever or naughty they are, the first, the middle or the last, a boy or a girl. Yes, we tend to differentiate the kids, we tend to compare them. To compare things or people is actually very natural and humane. We compare everything that we encounter every day. And every kid is definitely different from one another but in the end, we do not discriminate the loves we’re pouring to each of them.

Being accustomed to the observation since I was young, this is such a very important advice I have to keep with me in growing myself as a mother with more kids upcoming. Mentioning this repetitively makes it a culture in our family and from there I realized that yes, between Edhany and Errasy, we couldn’t really identify who is more dominant than another though they’re quite much different. Like the CGPA concept we have in university, the scores in each subject might vary from each student but on the finals, both get 4 flats!

Third, is to embrace aging with no shame

This is not really an advice from him but I willingly take it as an advice for myself from the way he repetitively says or acts about this particular issue – aging. My husband grows grey hairs as early as in his 20’s and even heavier now. My God, he’s really turning all whites by 40’s! But he’s all okay about that. Of white hairs, of wrinkles, he never freaked out. Yeah maybe because he’s a male and he’s married anyway but it’s not that he doesn’t care. He has this distinctive point of view that aging is a good thing, is something one should embrace rather than reject. It’s the fact that we can’t reject getting older so what’s the point?

I don’t know. I think I really enjoyed being young and beautiful that I slowly found myself averse to accept the fact that my joy time has passed and it’s telling me through the change of my own physical and looks. I do enjoy my life now but it’s different. It’s just different in a way that I can’t explain. Haha… I don’t know. I think I really have to reflect on this more spiritually than physically. Come to think that it doesn’t make sense to be asking for long live but not wanting to grow old, right? Wake up! Now I’m making my husband as my aging-idol; one who can’t wait to look like Amitabh Bachchan one day. Haha.

With these 3 repetitive advices, Happy 6th Anniversary to us.

To my husband, it has been 6 years I’ve been listening to not just these three but many more other lectures repetitively from you, I’m sure. It’s gonna be a lie if I tell you I’m not bored. It’s seriously so borrringgggg you know?? Hahaha. Please grant me The Most Honest Wife Award now cause I can’t wait till the 20th anniversary to confess this. Lols.

Jokes aside.

As much as I might feel annoyed of being ‘nagged’ of the same things over and over again, after all what he said are the right things that I actually have to ponder deeper rather than just listen or complain that it’s been repetitive. Married folks, we don’t know until when we’ll still have this pleasure of talking to a companion so before it’s too late, let’s realize this blessing and be grateful for it. A spouse is also a messenger. Light conversations, teasing or even arguments could actually convey very important messages, never ignore.

As ever,
SALZY

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I Want To Remind Myself

13th October 2017 marks 8 years anniversary of our love relationship. On the same day itself, my husband went for his company’s Annual Dinner event and brought home a lucky draw! Since when he became so lucky? Haha. It’s a Free Lunch Buffet Voucher for 2 pax @ Pullman Putrajaya Lakeside B’s Restaurant. Yeay… We consider this as our anniversary gift, then. Alhamdulillah.

pullman

Today we set to utilize the voucher. Didn’t wanna delay the pleasure and also to celebrate our son’s birthday which was two days ago. Actually, I’d been planning to organize a birthday party for him since early of this year. I’d been saving money, outlining the stuff and listing to-do’s for the event. It’s one of my important agendas for 2017 because we haven’t done any parties for him before. We did one for Dhany but none for Ayash. It’s not that it’s really a must for us do party for every birthday, but once in a while would be nice, right?

Alassss, my plan turned to no avail. Due to? Budget constraint. Haha. This year our financial goes on a roller coaster ride. I thought this is the year that we could save more for more big things upcoming. But it turns out to be just a funny thought. So many more unexpected things came rolling into our pockets and rolled out loaded. At this time, we’re just so broke! Huwarghhh…

And so I cancelled my plan to organize the birthday party for Errasy. We just couldn’t make it, baby. But with this free voucher that dropped from the sky just in time, we seized it for a little celebration with our little family.

cakes

boys

The cakes! Haha…call it a “DIY”. As long as there are candles on it, it is a birthday cake! What a cheapskate parents we are…haha. ‘Desperate time calls for desperate measures’ so mind us okay. Creative mom I am. Lol. Happy 3rd Birthday my baby Errasy! We loveeee you.

We spent two hours indulging the foods and later sightseeing around the hotel area and went home with happy tummies. Free meals are always extra delicious, right? Hehe. Thank you Allah for today and I’m taking some time now for a gratitude moment.

At this moment, I want to remind myself that even in time that we can call ‘hard times’ like this, we still have the opportunity to have fancy meals at a lavish place.

I want to remind myself that at the time we thought we couldn’t spare any money for self-reward like always, a lucky draw decided to reward us with something of our favourites (buffet dine).

I want to remind myself that my plan was unsuccessful but it’s replaced with something more meaningful.

I want to remind myself to be thankful with whatever I got and not whine over insufficiency.

I want to remind myself to be grateful and Allah will increase.

I want to remind myself that with every hardship comes ease.

I want to remind myself to not be hopeless because The help is near.

I want to remind myself that keeping faith in hard times is most rewarding.

I want to remind myself that despite all these we’re still blessed, we’re always blessed.

Things I’ve known so well but at this moment, I just want to remind myself.

Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli hal.

family

Till the next post,
SALZY

A Dream Job You’re Wishing For

BP

I received this letter last week unexpectedly, just because I forgot my anniversary with the company that I stepped in 5 years ago. 5 years! A complete set of fingers to tell me that I’ve been here for such a significant duration. 5 years of undeniable blessings I can say. Having a job, a solid source of income is really something we can’t take for granted of that we should be thankful every day, not only on paydays okay. In total, I’ve been working for 8 years since I graduated and this is the second company I work for. 8 years and 2 companies – pretty loyal, no? Hehe, or maybe just unaggressive in finding opportunities.

I began my career journey in 2009 and what I can say is it was not a good start. The first company I worked for taught me the harsh truth of working life. Unreasonably heavy work load, bad boss, stupid system and sickening people surrounding me every day. It was so stressful and in fact the most stressful period of my life making me traumatic if I throwback the moments. Driving to work felt like handling a cable car – so heavy and the weather was always gloomy all the way to the workplace. In those 3 years, I lost appetite badly and turned from an originally thin girl to almost anorexic. That’s how ugly a bad job could make of me and that’s a true story.

Of course there were still good things I should be thankful for – the knowledge, the experience and there were still nice people I could talk to – and yes I did, thanked God for every little thing I gained from the company. And thank God I have my mom, she was there listening to my whine every time I came home crying. That was all my motivation when dealing with the depression with the hope that things would change for me even though I thought it was impossible. It was my first job and that concluded an impression that working life was never a good thing. I wanted to go back to my wonderful and happening university life but that was just impossible. And it was also impossible for me to not work because I am an adult already, so adults work, adults must work, we have bills and loans now, a pile! So all I thought was, then on and for as long as I’m w.o.r.k.i.n.g, my life is miserable. Nuff said.

But who actually said so? It was just a blind assumption of a hopeless young girl who just began to ‘live’. Who just hasn’t realized and truly believed the power of the Lord who can do miracles. After three years trapped in such a destructive environment, I married my husband and moved to KL. A few months of job hunting, I finally secured a position in here where in the beginning I brought with me the assumptions from my previous work life to the new one, just to be ready to face the “norms”. Amazingly as the days went by, my guesses got all wrong. This place is bliss! The people, the environment, the culture and the boss are all so nice I never thought they existed. Things totally changed as different as night and day. I turned to a positive person, happier and fatter! Haha.. that was due to another reason as well –  being married, exactly.

Alhamdulillah I’m happy here. At the moment, I’m surrounded by the people whom I can call friends, not just colleagues. Work-life balance is something really necessary for employees and this company has it ready. Flexi work arrangement and tolerant superiors who understand our commitments at home, not just all work. Some days are bad days and some people are unpleasant which can’t be avoided anywhere but I choose to focus on the good. This place is my comfort zone.

Of course not everything is perfect and I’m not telling those means to brag that I am the lucky one to have the best job ever. No, I’m still at a moderate level of the career ladder and in fact I am not a good employee enough so how could I boast? What I’m trying to tell is, guys, if you’re having a hard time at your work place or have been going through such a disappointing journey to find the right job I truly, truly understand the feelings, because really I’ve been there. If you could see, Allah tested me for three years to grant me with such a wonderful gift I couldn’t ask for more. If you’re tested even longer or harder, imagine what’s awaiting for you in the future! Allah’s arrangement is beautiful. When He tested me with the stressful job, I was single and had less commitment. My focus and weekends could all be spent at the office and no one got affected. Now that I have a family to look at, He gave me a work-life balance job, a company that’s so supportive towards mothers. Our stories are different but believed; the best is yet to come, right on time.

Two years back, the oil and gas industry was having downturns and that affected the company as well. As a result, it worked through a few cycles of retrenchment that impacted even some of my lunch buddies from other department. It’s so devastating to know that from a steady position you held for years, suddenly being told that you’re out of place. It somehow threatened everyone’s security and belief on the company’s stability, including mine. Things improved after that but the incident somehow serves as a constant reminder to me to rely everything on Allah because anything could happen and that a good job does not guarantee a fine end. While I’m cherishing my time here on this anniversary, I pray that if you’re seeking, soonest Allah will bestow you with the dream job you’re wishing for. Ameen.

Till the next post,
SALZY

Teachers of Life

I thought I don’t wanna make this blog a date-oriented one. Like when it’s anniversary, I reminisce anniversaries. Birthdays, I make wishes. Special celebrations I talk about it too oh too cliche but somehow that’s how it seems. Haha.. Maybe because when I check my planner and it marks these important dates, it gives me ideas to write. Nonetheless it’s just my first year of re-blogging, let’s just say that it’s my style. Lol.

So it’s Teacher’s Day here. I wanna make a tribute to my special teachers…who, don’t have that official teacher-title and didn’t go through certified degree to educate but somehow, become the ones who gave me the most lessons…in life.

My Dad. Back in the time when I was a little girl, my dad was a busy man. With the professional career he held and a business he ran all by his own and my mom, he used to not have much time with us. Whenever he’s home, we all must eat together and that’s the time we would have conversations and he would do the talking. He talked a lot and repetitively the same things. One of the things he always emphasized was something that I thought I did not pay so much attention to, but actually had been absorbed in my mind and my whole body and finally shaped me as I am today. That is – The Importance of Planning. Really. You can ask all my siblings and if they couldn’t recall, that tells you they literally slept on the dinner table.

And that’s what I am now. I basically plan everything. If not in detailed in my planner, on any rough papers. I don’t jump onto the road not knowing where to go. I plan earlier. If I don’t have a single pen, my mind would be chaotically ordering things. When an urgency occurs, I’d get panic in an instant for things that didn’t go as I planned. I take this as both my strength and my weakness but all in all, this is me. Thank you Abah for shaping a unique criteria in me to live my life. I appreciate it.

My Mom.  If I were to write a biography of her life, it’s gonna be a thick series. My mom has gone through a lot in life, even until these days. She is one strong woman that if all her trials were to be accumulated to embody herself, she would stand like a real iron lady with a sword. The sword is her faith in Allah that everything happens for a good reason if not now, someday.

My mother grew up without a mother. Her mom passed on when she was only 10 years old. That maybe the reason why my mom is a bit less affectionate with us, the children. I couldn’t recall my mom calling us “sayang” or something like that and even if we said “I love you” to her, she would reply with – “Okay”. Still, this doesn’t make her less of a mother. Her devotion to the family is priceless and that is true love. This tells me that the way we were brought up will influence the way we parent our kids too. We may copy exactly the same style if we think that’s just the way it is, or take a total opposite if we wished things were different. In the end, we will realize that there’s no perfect way to raise a child and being a mother is all about giving our best to the family, no matter what happens.

My Mom is so generous she gives endlessly. Her giving personality is mainly what I grew up watching. But somehow, I don’t think the attitude liberally flows in my blood as I’m always worried of insufficiency – typical insecurity. But of course I wanna be like her too. So one day I asked her, “Ma, whenever you give, I mean donate, what is actually in your mind? What makes you always wanna give? Aren’t you afraid that your money would go zero before you could refill your purse? Or, is it that, you keep telling yourself – ‘the more you give, the more you will get’? Is that your motivation?” And my long tiring question was only answered with – “I don’t know. I just give”. That’s all. It kept me quiet for a moment to digest that short reply because it’s so deep. Deeply teaching me – sincerity. Without being mentioned, without explanation. Thank you Mama for the hidden wake up call. I will better myself.

Last but not least, My Husband. The one that came into my life much later than other teachers but gradually becomes the one who taught me very much lessons too. Among the first things he taught me in the early days after the wedding was, cooking. Haha.. Yes, I was one spoiled girl who grew up with most things being prepared by the maid so cooking requirement was definitely a big deal for me to get married. Thank God for someone who didn’t only accept my imperfection but also turn it into an improvement.

My Husband. He possesses creative skills and thinking which I hope will be inherited to the boys too. He is my reference for any matters I doubt, especially on religious issues, I can rely on him – at least as a first opinion. In marriage, we are two very different persons making arguments our recurrent dealings. I take every clash as a lesson though most times, it took some time for me to see the silver linings. Directly and indirectly, all that come from or through him are special messages to me. The point is to think.

My Dad, my Mom and my Husband, are godsends as the Teachers of My Life. The very personal ones. WhatsApp Image 2017-05-18 at 6.13.38 PM1

Till the next post,
SALZY