Goals 2018

When I found out that I was pregnant, I automatically thought to myself that, “Okay, that’s it. There will be nothing about my 2018 but this pregnancy and baby, ONLY.”

Haha. I’ve known myself very well; that’s how I was with my two previous pregnancies. Once the UPT showed that double lines; my mind, my focus everything were all narrowed down to this one journey that would take up 9 months of internal growth and a few months of post-birth concentration.

I constructed an excel sheet pregnancy planner with a 40-week calendar, to-do lists, shopping lists, I checked-out the pregnancy apps every single day to see how the baby was doing inside and I counted down the days to the next check-ups. After birth myself was definitely conquered by the baby and pumping activities; I even jotted down how many ounces of milk I pumped in every session. How look-like-busy!

My brain is so single-minded. I can’t think of many things at one time, I would get distracted easily and nothing will end up done perfectly or as it should be. And all of those many things above are categorized as only ONE thing – Maternity. My two pregnancies had a close gap so the first 3 years after marriage was nothing but all. about. it.

Now, what? I’m pregnant again but I can’t act like how I did before. I have two pre-schoolers and this is a new thing to me. I have more responsibilities at work and most importantly I also have myself who is getting older and has to be taken care with mindfulness. So 2018 is about me juggling important aspects in life while making the best out of me fighting with time and laziness!

I have my goals ready for actions and I’m about to have an ‘erkk’ moment now. Do you know what the ‘erkk’ moment is? It’s when I’m about to share my goals openly, haha. I’m so shyyy but hey, I did this last year and I did not regret it. Now let’s give it a go!

PREGNANCY & BABY

My EDD is in July 2018 so basically the 1st half of the year is me carrying my growing tummy and another 2nd half is me carrying the baby for real. InsyaAllah, may everything go well and smooth with this pregnancy, Ameen. So my plans are divided into two as in before and after birth.

Before

  • Focus myself with religious practice during pregnancy – khatam the Quran once and engage myself with specific surahs, duas and adhkaar during pregnancy. (i.e Surah Luqman, Yusuf & Mariam mainly I knew and I have to search more for others)
  • Have my birth plan ready by 27th week – where to deliver and where to spend confinement period.
  • Prepare adequate necessities for labor and baby by 31 weeks @ mid of May 2018, before Ramadhan begins.
  • Track supplements intake every day using a checklist. I’m really so bad at taking supplements, I sometimes missed it for days.

After

  • Have a proper confinement. Adhere to diet restrictions and eat decent foods; don’t cheat for 44 days!
  • Breast-feed baby fully for one year. Plan my pumping stocks properly. Continue direct breastfeeding until 2 years.
  • Refrain from taking ice and cold water for one year.
  • Work-out on my body especially the tummy. Get rid of those accumulated fats!

HABIT TRACKERS

This one thing sums up many little goals I want to achieve this year. In case you didn’t know, a habit tracker is something like this :

I have been struggling for years to develop certain habits and kept failing until I know that to change myself in total is not a realistic approach. The key is actually to progress. By having a habit tracker, I can see how well I’m doing and can catch up what’s left out.

Honestly, I’m tracking very simple things in my daily lives that I don’t think I have to share, hehe. But these are among the significant things I want to do this year :

Shower early

To wake up early is one thing, but for such a lousy person like me, to just wake up will not make a difference. I could just continue lying on the bed or checking the phone for an hour! To actually get up and shower right away will then make me raring to go and start the day.

Breakfast before 8am

I used to not have breakfast at all, you know? I was (and am still) always a late riser and always have rushed mornings so one thing I’d always skip to save time was my breakfast. Few years ago, I was emphasized about how destroying it is to our body if we don’t take morning meals so since then I never skipped my breakfast anymore. Now I want to improve; I want to have my breakfast early, my target is before 8.

Swim regularly

Because I will jog less this year due to being pregnant, I’m shifting this physical activity to swimming. I’m actually very lazy for this but I really have to. Just like how I dragged my butts off for jog, I believe I can do this too. To swim means to actually swim so I have to allocate my time going down to the pool without the kids. I only know one swimming style and my techniques are still not perfect. I gotta learn and practice more and hope this will benefit my pregnancy.

Cook more often

How often is more often? I don’t know exactly but definitely not every day. Haha, that’s too ambitious for me. Well, I just wanna do better in this department.

Sleep log

I wanna track my sleeping pattern. Fyi, I am a natural mid-night person. I love staying up late and it’s not just during the study time in college, I do it even until now. It’s the time that I’m most productive and focused but I know this is not a good habit. So I need to observe my sleeping time daily to ensure that I have enough sleep – not less and not too much. I still want to stay up but will limit it to only a few times a month.

The rest are all tiny little things or big things but too private to be exposed. All in all, the point is to keep me intact with this tracker as a friendly motivator to become a better version of myself. Good Luck, Self!

READING

This year I don’t allocate a specific genre for me to read because my goal is to finish up all the unread books on my shelves. Last year was the most lavish year for me in spending money on books, so now I still have 26 books that I haven’t touched. I know I will still be buying books at any time of this year because it’s my addiction but most importantly, these 26 books should all be read by the end of 2018.

BLOGGING

Last year I managed to publish 80 posts with 58 posts of my own writings.
This year I aim to publish 100 posts with 70 posts of my own writings. Seriously?

WORK

I want to be more organized at work, be active in my big team, and monitor my KPI closely rather than just twice a year. Most importantly, I want to perform my solat on time. I always got frustrated with myself when it’s already time but I excused myself for only 5 minutes to complete a task but it would end up to only 5 minutes left till the next prayer! Astaghfirullah!

TOASTMASTERS

I will try to not miss any meetings and will increase my level of involvement. I want to participate more in table topics, take up roles and give speeches according to the programme. Pressure!

KIDS’ PROGRESS

No more all play, kids. They have to know something by now especially my 5-year-old Edhany. I don’t know what to expect from the school and I’ve no idea on how things actually work. I will do what I gotta do and just go with the flow.

Last but very not least,

BEAUTY CARE

Let’s get real that aging is real, and I’m turning 32 this year. No matter how much I hold to the principles of being “young at heart” and that “age is just a number”, the reality is undeniable. We all age and our skin is proving the truth. If we don’t make an effort, how can we expect it to stay young forever? I don’t meeeean I wanna look young like a teenager, haha.. But I come to realize that being in 30’s, the process of aging is racing fast and it’s quite visible. I haven’t been really taking care of my skin for many years just because it’s not my priority but heyyy I know I’ll regret this someday so before it’s too late, I gotta do something!

There go my 2018’s resolutions not so briefly. Why do I have to talk so much about this? Haha. I really hope I will walk the talk. Let’s see how this year is going. These all are just my plans, ceteris paribus! InshaAllah.

As ever,
SALZY

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Recap 2017 (Part 2)

READING, BLOGGING & LEARNING

In overall, I can summarize my focus of this year is of the above three things. I surrounded myself with many books and had a non-ending reading list; I’m a happy me. I blogged as I intended and I learned some things. It’s a contented year I must say despite losing myself at some points of time but all in all, Alhamdulillah.

In the past few years, I was in search of things that I could do to improve my wellbeing and upgrade my financial. I decided to get involved with businesses that I thought could make a side income for me. I was influenced by other people’s success but I forgot that money was not a wise driving factor for me personally. Other people can be very positively fervent being money-driven and can love what they do if it’s promising dollars but me? I’m just so spoilt and being in business is actually not my thing.

When thinking of 2017, I decided to do things that I love and will make me happy. I did just that and I can feel the beauty of following my heart and living simply.

UMRAH

My Umrah Trip in January was the most treasured memory of my life. I’m so grateful for it because what makes it be more meaningful to me was it happened after a huge crisis I faced in the end of 2016. It’s like a gift from Allah and 2017 will forever be a special year to me because of this.

ME-TIME

My kids are growing; they’re not babies anymore. I can feel that motherhood gets easier and less demanding compared to the years after birth. My husband can now handle the kids without me so they always had boys’ outings without Mom, doing boys thingy. And me, I’m having so much (or enough) me-time alone at home! I believe mothers would agree with me that me-time is such a luxury for us. It’s something that I really struggled about in the early years of motherhood. This year was such a honeymoon for me and I know this comfort won’t last. Soon my kids are going to school and that will add new responsibilities to me and I’m ready for that.

TOASTMASTERS

I joined Toastmasters in May 2017 and it’s the beginning of another notable journey for me. Speaking in front of many people, speaking impromptu took a lot of courage in me and it’s not just a piece of cake. I’m glad I did it anyway and I’m very consistent in attending the meetings. I happened to join the new Pathways programme and I’m quite clueless about the new format. I hope the momentum won’t drop and I’ll be more proactive in planning my speeches.

 MOVING HOUSE

It’s something unpredictable, gave us headache but made a good shift, anyway. For the record, it was our first move after 5 years of marriage with two kids.

FINANCIAL

I remember ranting about this in my Recap-2016 and too bad, it is the same again this time. Oh my God. I don’t mean to complain but for real, life is getting tougher and tougher financially. Look at the economy, the cost of living in KL nowadays honestly its killing. When it comes to money, it’s all about surviving months to months and every payday makes a “phewwww, we survived!” kinda relief. Or is this just a phase that we have to go through? We began building life for a better future but it’s also taking its toll on us. This is just a phase, I keep telling myself. I don’t mean to blindly rant but I want to remember this significant chapter of our journey. Things will change sooner or later and after all, it’s all about the rezeki that we totally have to rely on Allah and rezeki is not just about money! Shukr for everything.

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

Alhamdulillah, it’s another healthy year for us with only slight illnesses sometimes. The kids were down to fever about 3 times this year and the worst was in September during Hajj Eid. We didn’t really raya that time. The rest was okay.

My parents turned 59 this year. They’re in good health but of course not as perfect as they’re oldster already. My dad’s diet is quite affected since a year ago; he’s turning very thin. My mom has been fine except recently she’s having problem with her ears or hearing and it’s causing her vertigo and had to undergo some tests. It got better after medications and didn’t have to further any more procedures. It’s kinda worrying to hear such things. Turning into 6 series next year, I pray for their health to always be in the best condition. Ameen.

mamaabah

My beloved Abah & Mama

BIG FAMILY

In summary, my side welcomed a new niece in August; baby Amanda Sofyia – my brother’s second daughter. And another brother got engaged which means we’ll be welcoming a new in-law next year. May Allah ease the plan. No new addition on my husband’s side, everyone is growing existing families.

NEW PET

Should this be a highlight? Of course! Haha. We have a new resident in this home and it’s a bird. It’s a small type of parrot called a Budgie bird and my son named her as “Somey-somey”. Haha. It’s supposed to be “Comel-comel” but Edhany lisps the letter “C” so that’s what happened. It’s all about the kids anyway; it’s what they wished for because kids love animals! Except me when I was a kid. Haha. Began on 4th December of 2017 and more updates on this in later post.

somey2

Somey-somey 🙂

KIDS GOING TO SCHOOL

Or actually, kindergarten. Last year, we were contemplating about sending our 4-year-old son to school this year. There is a choice whether to basically start them at 4 or 5 years old. We were totally not mentally ready for the new commitment and decided to begin in 2018 with both boys going at the same time. It was just kindy but really a big deal for us to actually decide the best for our kids. I cannot imagine determining universities later. We studied things carefully, tawakkal as much and signed up this one. Next week is the time and I’ve been having mixed feelings knowing the fact that my babies are heading to another phase of life!! How time flies.

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Kindy stuff  of Little Caliphs

I’M PREGNANT

I’m pregnant of baby number 3. Alhamdulillah :). After months of contemplating whether or not we should be adding a new member in this family, it finally happened at the time we least expected it. I discovered this pregnancy in November and now I’m in the 12th week. Since then, morning sicknesses got so dominant I don’t have control over my body anymore. It happened to be in the year-end – the time of the year that I usually got really eager preparing for the New Year from the planner-stuff, goals settings and recapping memories all that but this time? I was just all lying down at home for many weeks and gone on MC for many days. Too bad, too bad but finally in this final week of 2017 I get up and fight all that. The whole year has been so good I can’t just end it like nothing happens. So here I am, wrapping up my 2017 in two posts that I will want to re-read one day. Now let’s keep all the pregnancy stories of the first trimester in a special post in 2018! Maybe this blog will return to its original purpose which was a Motherhood blog, right? Will see…! Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah and welcome “Lil’ in Me No. 3”.

upt

Positive 🙂

THE END

That’s all about it. I love this year very much. Good Bye 2017.

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Till the next post,
SALZY

Recap 2017 (Part 1)

It’s December now let’s recapppp….!! Wow it’s so overwhelming. It’s the time of the year that we rewind our minds to re-walk the year that we flipped day by day, we thought we’re moving slowly but actually 365 days have been folded without we even realized it!

What happened to our goals that we set up in the beginning? Gulp! I must cringe a little thinking of this cause I know I don’t accomplish everything in my list. Do you gulp too? Would you think to just forget it and it’d be better to start with a fresh set of goals for 2018? No guys! Stop right there. The New Year can wait and this soon-to-be an old year needs a proper goodbye. No matter how lousy we thought a year has been, when we look closely we could actually identify even more blessings in disguise. Maybe we don’t accomplish what we wanted to but something else slips in out of our expectation and makes the year be more meaningful than how we planned it to be. Who knows?

Earlier this year I posted my Goals 2017 in this post My 2017 Has Just Started. So let’s go through it again one by one. Don’t laugh okay? =D

new-year-resolutions-2017

SPIRITUAL – Learn harfiyah (Qur’an translation by words)
Not accomplished. Huhu.. My target was only to start learning and cover just three pages of Surah Al-Baqarah but still I didn’t manage to realize it. I did start and try to learn from a book I bought from the Pesta Buku KL in May but honestly I couldn’t follow the teaching, it’s not as easy as I thought and slowly it’s abandoned, I’m back to referring the tafseer as usual. And so it’s a mission not accomplished but, but.. I’m not giving up. I will try again, restart and find a more systematic way of learning the Quranic language. I hope I’ll make it someday.

SPIRITUAL – Memorize a number of surah in Juzu’ 30
Checked. I focused on this in the Ramadhan month revising the surah that we easily articulated when we were a kid but growing up? Most are forgotten, or just me in this case. Surah Lazim only? Because they’re short and within my ability. Hehe. I’m really so bad at memorizing. Another reason is that, those surahs are the ones that we usually recite in our prayers. In the book 33 Ways in Developing Al-Khushoo’ – Humility and Devotion in Prayer, it says that one of the ways to increase our khushoo’ when praying is by varying the surah that we recite after the Al-Fatihah rather than just repeating the same ones in all prayers. It will make us be more focused and careful with our recitation and it’s also a sunnah. It’s what done by the Prophet (pbuh). And so I had with me this book below that I bought from the Pesta Buku as well. It’s like a children’s book but it’s so good for us adult too because it has the Surah as usual, the normal translations and also translations by words. And also an asbab al-nuzul with conclusions of the histories. It’s making my memorization easier and more effective. Truly a good revision and I managed to cover a number of surahs that I have actually forgotten. This practice shouldn’t stop. I will have to continue with more surah and keep repeating the current ones too because forgetting is easy.

Surah Lazim

alkhushoo

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT – Learn lettering art
I did it!! Calligraphy was really an impossible thing for an ugly handwriting like me but slowly, finally I could flow the pen and create nice wordings at the very least! I actually joined a calligraphy class once just to find out that after all it’s a skill that I have to nurture and be patient with myself. It takes time and I almost gave up but the one who encouraged me to continue doing it was my own husband who joined my lettering activities at home and produced many pretty creative letterings and doodles too. I’m enjoying this!

letteringart.JPG

My amateur piece of work

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT – Learn to ride a motorbike
In my dream. Haha. I don’t know why I set this as my goal because when I thought of doing it, I doubted my purpose. My husband was all ready to coach but I was so reluctant and kept delaying it. Eventually, this goal is buried.

HEALTH – Do health screening & dental checkup
Done health screening but missed my dental checkup. Oops!

HEALTH – Exercise regularly
Yes I did, which I mean by simple morning exercises. Regularly? Yes, but I did not track myself. Sometimes I missed it for many weeks but I can say, overall, for the whole year it’s something that I did constantly. I should track myself closer next year.

HEALTH – Jog weekly
I did itttt!!! Allow me to be proud of myself as I managed to pull myself through the year doing something that I hadn’t been doing for years! Seriously I couldn’t recall the last time I actually exercise and jog regularly cause it’s been too long ago but this year I managed to drag myself down to the park at least once a week, sometimes twice a week and jogged until I feel tired. Hehehe. My office has this monthly Fun Walk & Jog programme after work so I never missed it. On Wednesdays and Fridays we’re allowed to wear casuals so always I am ready with sport shoes from home. My office campus is a pleasant area to jog around so I’d shut down early, go down and run before my husband arrives to pick me up. In June, we moved to a new apartment that has this gym facility so I started gym-ming with my husband but erm, I’m not used to running on a treadmill so I don’t enjoy it much. Jogging at the park is more fun! Well, I’m still not really fit physically as I don’t push myself so hard cause I don’t want to be demotivated. The point is just to get off my arse and keep doing it so once this has become a habit, I will increase my level of physical challenge. Chewah!

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Fun Walk & Jog @ Bangsar South

ROMANCE – More dating (without kids)
Yes, we did it, everyday. Every morning at breakfast, on our way to work after sending the kids to the babysitter. Are those considered a date? Haha. We had movie dates twice and other couple times were usually in between running errands. Romantic much?

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At our favourite breakfast spot in PJ

ROMANCE – Communicate better
Not properly defined so how do I evaluate this? Haha

FAMILY – Family holidays at Langkawi
Noooo… 😦

FAMILY – Playtivities with kids
Hurm, guess I did this only in the first half of the year. Was so enthusiastic with so many ideas from the Facebook I prepared one activity after another during the weekends. I lost momentum after the Raya period and did less fancy activities with the kids after that. Oh, Mommmm….!

CAREER – Move to other position or department
This was actually my main focus of the year. I really wanted to shift cause I was triggered by my close colleagues who left for better offers. But you know when you’ve tried but luck is not on your side, how would you perceive it then? Me, I simply thought it’s just not my rezeki yet and I was kinda disappointed. Until a friend told me that it’s not that it’s not my rezeki at other places, but actually my rezeki is there in my position now. So why should I leave? It opens my eyes and makes me realize so many good things I am benefitting here so why should I trouble myself at other unpredictable environment? I remind myself again that it’s really important to be happy at the workplace so if I’m now happy, what else matters? Can’t I just be thankful? Earlier today during the KPI review I told my leader that I cancelled my intention that I told her earlier this year and that I wanna stay with the team. Hahaha.

CAREER – Join events as committee
Yesss.. I am a member of the CSR Club in my office and I did involve in the programmes and it’s so much fun!

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Wishing Tree Event by BP BSC Asia CR Club @ Pediatric Institute HKL, Nov 2017

FINANCE – Creative savings
Haha. What I meant by creative savings was actually saving money by keeping a particular color of notes and never spending it. It’s again an idea from the FB. For example, keeping all the green 5-dollar notes, or yellow 20-dollar notes so by the end of the year they’re gonna make a striking color mountain. So where’s my mountain now?? I built it! But volcano happened. Hahahaha failed!!

FINANCE – More sedeqah
Let’s keep this undisclosed, shall we?

FUN & RECREATIONS – Join volunteer activities for charity
Once onlyyyy.  I joined a friend go to a Refugee Centre to spend time with the kids teaching and playing with them. Nice one. I wanted to join more external parties a.k.a NGOs for these activities but at this phase, I’m quite family-bound so it’s kinda not practical for me to leave the kids for outside programmes. Well I should find something that can involve them as well, right?

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At UNCHR Refugee Centre

FUN & RECREATIONS – Organize birthday party for Errasy
Also not done and I don’t want to promise anything next year. Huh!

SOCIAL – Outdoor potluck with Rockchicks
We had this! Yeay.. I really wanted to have this agenda with the girls but another friend has voiced it out earlier and organized such a fun picnic at the Botani Park, Putrajaya. Cool!

SOCIAL – Keep in touch with far friends
I meant not through Facebook, but through personal Whatsapp or calls. But hurm, I’m still missing many of my people.

OTHERS – Reading diet
Books on Religion – checked.
Biographies – checked.
Places – not checked. This answers why I am travelling nowhere, durh!

OTHERS – Blogging
As you can seeee 😉

Okay doneee recapping my goals list of 2017. Overall, it’s an average accomplishment I would say? Some checked, some not checked and it’s always like that for every year. Haha.

Heyyy…this post is too long already but I am not finished yet. I still have a lot to talk about this year, so? To be continued in Part 2!

Till the next post,
SALZY

Add a Fun Fact

I’m so having fun with this new function “Add a fun fact” on Facebook. Well, you know.. just answering random questions about anything related to yourself. I’ve been spamming the timeline with so many posts feeling like a celebrity being interviewed. Haks..

There are actually books like this. I have one titled “If… (Questions For The Game of Life)”. It listed hundreds of random questions began with “If..” or “What if…” to make us imagine a situation we’ve rarely been in and what or how we gotta do about it. It makes us think about all possibilities in this world, go crazy in our answers or even sometimes reveal an ugly honest confession. After all it’s just an “if” situation so whatever is harmless, no? Years after, go back to the book and re-see your answers. It can be some kind of entertainment, you know!

If-Book_600

Source : Sara Healy Blog

Ha… I’m reminded of the time when I was a kid in school, I really loved to write sets of Biodata in my books. The more questions listed, the more excited I got. I really have a thing about this even until now, haha. When I started blogging last time, one of the ways for me to produce an entry was by copying a template of questions and I’d answer from there. Simple!

So now, because I have done enough spamming on the timeline yet still addicted with this add-a-fun-fact function on FB, let me migrate the questions here. Hehe. p/s ~ Questions were answered in casual and did not involve deep thinking. Just for fun!

The thing or person I miss most from my childhood is…
I prefer being adult so I don’t really miss the things in my childhood but the person I miss most is Che’ my beloved late grandma.

When I’m sick all I want is…
Medicine that cures the fastest!

My greatest passions in life are…
Books!

An author whose work changed my life is…
Joseph Murphy.

If I could pick an age to be for the rest of my life, I’d pick…
Being 22. The time I was in the 3rd and final year of college.

If I had to be locked for a week in a room that was completely dark or completely bright, I’d rather…
Completely bright.

It drives me crazy when…
I have too many things to hold with my two hands.

My personal hero is…
Myself..

The hobby I most enjoy is…
Readinggg

Between the beach and the mountains, I’d rather spend time at…
The beach

If I could make one rule that everyone had to follow…
‘Don’t ask stupid questions.’

What I value most in life is…
The Quran.

If I could be any celebrity for a day, I would be…
The top notch Dato’ Sri Siti Nurhaliza.

If I could learn any skill, it would be…
The skill to fly the plane.

If I could live the life of any animated character, I would pick…
Cinderella!

The last book I read without skipping over anything was…
Any Ideas? by Rob Eastaway

My most treasured memory is…
My Umrah Trip

The one food I could never give up is…
Moist chocolate cakes!

If I could live on the set of any movie, it would be…
Any scary movie haha.

My hidden talent is…
I can’t think of…I really have none! 😦

The happiest moment of my life was…
My wedding day!

My dream vacation looks like…
Salzburg, Austria. Cause it has my name on it!

The scariest movie I’ve ever seen is…
A Korean movie I forgot what the title was.

Between the morning and the night, I prefer…
Midnight.

I’m most grateful for…
So many things.

My perfect pizza looks like…
Anything less veggie with extra cheese.

Between coffee and dessert, it would be harder for me to give up…
Not a coffee person, really a sweet tooth so you know..

The farthest I’ve ever been from home…
United Kingdom!

If I could choose to be able to teleport anywhere or read people’s minds, I’d rather…
Read people’s mind.

The best thing to do when the weather is bad…
Sleep!

If I could give my mother an award it would be for…
Her strong self, faith and patience.

The football team I’m most loyal to is…
JDT

My greatest accomplishment is…
Got a degree?

The videos that always make me laugh are…
Funny videos or anything can only make me laugh once or thrice the most. None that is really always.

My all-time favorite appetizer or snack is…
Dates.

The best things in life are…
Rezeki and Allah’s blessings.

The first thing I notice about other people is…
The color they’re wearing.

If I could be feared by all or loved by all, I’d choose to be…
Loved by all~ which is impossible

Something I find boring is…
Pointless conversations.

If I were invisible for a day, I’d…
Spy my husband. Hahaha…!

A job I’d be terrible at…
Sales & Public Relation (PR)

Between sweets and savories, I’ll always pick…
I’d love both.

The best dance move of all time is…
Fast moves.

The music genre I listen to the most is…
Ballad

The most impressive thing I know how to do is…
A very detailed plan of something, I guess?

If I could live for a week in the past or the future, I’d rather…
Time-travelling to the future!

Between earth, fire, air and water, the element I identify most with is…
Fire. Can easily identify.

The best day of the year is…
The 1st day of the year

If I could give my father an award it would be for…
His confidence to be the always right.

The superpower I want most is…
To make the kids listen and follow my words totally. And my husband too!

My favorite place to be is…
My home sweet home~

Who is the most awesome person on earth?
YOU who finished reading this post until this word! Haha 😀

Till the next post,
SALZY

11 Years Blogging Anniversary

Happy Blogging Anniversary to meeeeeeeeeee….!!! This date, 11 years ago was the day where it all began. I can’t believe it’s more than a decade since, wow! And this is my very first post that I published in my blog.

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Hahaha… So funny okay! With the funky spellings and all… My God.

I started blogging in 2006 with my old blog; My Kunang-Kunang. Kunang-kunang means the yellow bugs – a kind of fireflies (I guess?) or insects that flash at nights in yellow. Why, is just because I loveeee yellow so much it’s my all-time and forever favourite color so I tagged it as the symbol of my space. I like yellow because it’s bright and royale. I always prefer something bright, lively and colorful. My next favourite color is brown, because brown and yellow make a complementary combination!

Back to My Kunang-kunang, the tagline was “It’s Just All About Me”. Haha. I was in University when I felt my life was so fun and interesting and I had a lot to talk about. I got crazy bunch of friends, I started driving, I learnt new things, I met new people and not to forget; I studied hard too (err, are you sure, self? hahaha). That’s when I thought of blogging. The writing wasn’t consistent but continued for a few good years.

However, it was not a solid 11 years. I once stopped blogging at all for quite long. Family was expanding, errands were multiplying, I couldn’t make time and plus, an inner conflict that stopped me from exposing personal stories or thoughts for whatever paranoid reasons. Nevertheless, I never stopped thinking to write and write again. There were actually a few times I attempted to re-blog but I just didn’t get the momentum to get in gear. So again and again I wrote a few lines and left it unfinished. And this is what I just found in a folder in my laptop :

blogging attempt.JPG

Haha….My ‘attempts’ to come back – once in 2013, and once in 2015. And believe me I have a lot more handwritten drafts in my note books I’d been wanting to type and publish, to type and publish, but it just didn’t happen. It’s such a struggle that I believed there are people out there who understand this in one way or another, maybe not in blogging but in anything else. Or maybe it’s just about time?

Because finally, finally… After four confusing years, it all ended. I found my reasons, I eliminated my excuses and above all, I got my true inspiration. Now here I am, celebrating my 11 years anniversary as a blogger! It’s almost a year since I came back, I write constantly, I find solace and peace in what I do and I hope you too in any, anything that you endeavour. And at any milestones, on any remarkable dates; don’t forget to celebrate because memorably, that’s where it all started for a journey worth taking.

Till the next post,
SALZY

Forgiving When Not Even Sorry

The past week was depressing to me. I was hurt, I was offended. Something happened that didn’t only make it a bad day but a bad week as a whole. I think I haven’t felt this kind of feelings for so long. Problems come and go but rarely it’s about something that makes me feel so offensive. This time, it was just frustrating enough.

I was so down, I tried to control myself and told myself to forget it and not to feel so bad for what’s happened but I just couldn’t keep it silent. I’ve learnt to let off things but this; I couldn’t just ignore the issue so I confronted the person. Sadly, badly, the person was not even sorry for what I felt and it’s just taking my anger to another level – depression!

For days I’d been agitated. Life has been a bit challenging lately but I maintained positivity with me but this thing was just making things worse. After a week or so whining in this gloomy feeling, I told myself to stop and deal with it. Deal with this feeling because dealing with human did not work. At least I tried.

In my quiet time, I self-talked to understand myself. I made it clear of what I was so sad about it and why. I knew the root cause that triggered my anger and I knew the solution was to confront and I was all ready to forgive but…………..the person was not even sorry! Just how could it be? That was actually the reason for my lengthy despair. Yes, a week spent in tears is long okay, I’ve been wasting time.

And so I told myself to forgive, forgive without an apology. Honestly I felt so hard to do that cause I was so hurt so again I made it clear for myself as to why do I have to forgive?

First, I wanna do this for Allah, Lillahi Taala. Taking the person aside, this thing was a test for me on how I would react to it and for it to be a test; of course it’s hard. Allah knows I feel tough about it so when I try to fight this feeling, He looks at my effort. May He have mercy on me and make it easy. Istighfar a lot!

Second, I wanna do this for myself. This pathetic state shouldn’t last for long. I have a lot of things to attend to and time is ticking. This year is reaching the end so let’s get busy as always! Not just by forgetting about it but forgiving it. Trying to forget the hurtful thing is a method of ignoring but no this is not my way. How can you tell yourself to just forget it when you’re not senile? I want to forgive this in a way that I acknowledged my feeling, I entertained it for a certain reasonable period and I expressed it out – through cries and through this; writing. Writing is my intangible medication and by writing about this, I got a clearer vision of my reasons to forgive and may this also serve as a reminder for me whenever I am recalled about this through evil’s whispers. Oh God, please keep it away from me.

Lastly down to karma. No, I don’t mean for karma to happen to the person who has hurt my heart but rather, it might be a karma that’s serving me back for what I’ve done. Maybe I did this to other people; the same exact thing or anything that played with someone’s feelings too. I must have, and I did not apologize. Always we heard when one was being mistreated or betrayed, he would say ‘oh wait for karma to pay you back!’, not realizing that what was happening might be the karma to him, actually. So yeah, this may be the reason why I don’t deserve an apology. I’m sorry…

Spreading these whole things cloudless, I see it’s very little to associate the person and the apology that I demanded as the matter-of-fact. Majorly, it’s about me! Our problems, our disappointments; more often than not they’re about us and how we deal with it. The people, the surroundings, the other little problems that we thought making things worse are all just the characters in this episode. And again it’s a test. We may say that “I forgive people every day, every night, I live with no grudge.” But when the real test strikes, you know it’s not that easy this time, not as always. Just remember, this is when our faith is going to be leveled up. Stay strong inside!

To know this, I then separate the offence from the person who’d hurt me so now, the person is standing free from the mistake. Things happened, it did what it did so now what’s left is just me to spell out my forgiveness.

And so I forgive this person, with all my heart.

i forgive you

 

End of my forgiving-without-an-apology process, you’re welcome =D.

Till the next post,
SALZY

Forever My Girl Crush

In life of an every girl, there must be a moment she’s struck by a feeling of Girl Crush! A feeling of liking another girl. Either she’s an outstanding senior in school, a popular young singer, an acquaintance or can even be, the girl-next-desk? It’s clearly non-sexual, a positive jealousy I might say or more likely, an intense feeling of admiration just because she’s awesome!

I had a girl crush too. That happened when I was only in standard 5 and she was……the magnificent, the one and only….. ERRA FAZIRA!!! A popular actress, singer and also the Malaysian Miss World 1992. Well that’s enough to tell that she’s so beautiful that’s why I liked her!

erra estee lauder

Source : The Star

It started out when I was watching her film titled “Gemilang” in 1997. From there I became her fanatic fan until today and I just realized that it has been a remarkable span of 20 damn years! For 20 years I’ve been sticking to her, following her journey, her ups and downs in life especially in her marriages and with those, all I can say is she has made and is still making a noteworthy biography I adore so much. She’s not just beautiful. She’s a devoted daughter, an independent lady and a very mature person – these three main qualities that attracted me so much into admiring her.

Well, I may be not the kind of fans who’d run to her concerts or events just for the purpose to greet and have a picture with her. I’m not accustomed to that. My old-school mom disregarded this entertainment obsession so I had no access to go see artists. But, every time she’s out on the screen, I’d be on the front line watching without blinking and my mom would be shaking her head. She’s so gorgeous!

I still remember when I was in school, there was a campaign to encourage students to make it a habit to read newspapers daily. So everyday every classroom was supplied with a set of newspapers and that was the time Erra got married to Yusry KRU. For days the media was flooded with her wedding pictures and for that every single day too, I’d be the first one to grab the papers before anyone else. I’d quickly flip the entertainment section and keep the pages away. Hahaha! I didn’t want it to crumple they’re for my collections, “don’t touch”. The cynical boys in class were teasing me they said; I gotta pay for the class’ papers fees. Haha, hello! It’s freee.

After she married Yusry – the famous, the richest boy band in Malaysia – she still worked hard for her career. She got the choice to take-it-easy and rely everything on Yusry but no, she continued working and she said; this is herself, she was born to be independent and that she has her mom she’s taking care of, so she would hold the responsibility on her own. With that, my 18-year-old self was so impressed. I was about to live a semi-freedom life, from there I knew that being a woman, we have to be independent. In certain things in life, we really have to be assured of ourselves and know why we do what we gotta do. My Erra taught me this. Hiks.

Most people who’re close enough to me knew about my thing towards Erra. When she and Yusry got divorced, the news was out on TV and I was alone at home. I was shocked and so devastated but at the same time, my phone was beeping with so many incoming messages from my friends updating and asking me about the divorce! ‘What?’ ‘Why?’ ‘Are you OK?’ ‘Any comment?’ Hahaha… That was so funny.

Oh ya, for your info, we have one similarity. And that is….we’re both MOM! Haha.. Yes, yes… I copied her, exactly! When she had Aleesya and I knew that she was called by Mom, I was again fascinated. She’s so unique okay. So when I got preggy I decided for that too, hehe. It’s uncommon in Malay community and sounds weird when I first announced it to people that my kids will be calling me Mom but later, it’s just natural. I didn’t tell people that I chose it because of Erra but knowing me well, my friends finally found it out! Haha. Whatever, this one thing, we matched!

Everyone’s life is not perfect, and so her. She was engaged once, broke up. Married twice, divorced both. Netizens have all the unproven reasons to criticize her status but she kept it cool. She responded things in a mature way and moved on life. And just recently, her second ex-husband Engku Emran remarried and she uploaded a picture of her with Aleesya and Laudya Cynthia Bella, and posted a very pleasing wish for the couple that touched many hearts including mine, of course. She’s just lovely in her own way, how can I not love her? And the way Emran treated her as the mother of Aleesya after the divorce somehow tells how respectful she is in the eyes of someone who had lived a significant life with her.

erra pepatung

Source : Pepatung

Being a girl who crazed over celebrities’ stories on the magazines was typically non-sense. But after 20 years of time travelling looking up to somebody, this has created one of the colors of my life. It’s not just a plain obsession; I knew I’ve learnt a thing or two. From someone who was scarred by life’s tribulations, the scars made her nothing but only more beautiful and till now she’s standing even stronger in a graceful way. Erra Fazira, you’re one of a kind!! I love you and may Allah bless you always. I’ve never met her, but she’s close to my heart.

These are pieces of stories about my Girl Crush that I grew up with ever since I was 11 years old. Nana Nerra, did you have a Girl Crush?

Till the next post,
SALZY