Days are long, years are short. That’s how I’d describe my 2021 in a nutshell. 365 days but it only seems like a month in total. I think there were days that I didn’t even wake up from sleep. Know-know, a month by month has passed, know-know, it’s December!
It’s real that to finish each day was a struggle, only to wake up another day to the same routine under the roof again and again. At least that was the story for 3-quarter of the year where movement control and lockdown were imposed in the country. My change of title also contributed to the monotonous life, somehow. Well, that’s also the highlight of the year I would say!
GOOD BYE CAREER LIFE
February, that’s when a typical day turned out bizarre and indirectly changed the whole year of mine. That’s when I made one of the biggest decisions in my life to leave my job as a Data Steward in a Shared Service of an Oil & Gas company and put on the hat as a fulltime housewife. It’s a lot of things behind a single decision made but I don’t want to dwell upon it for a long time. I don’t want to be tracking records of how long since I resigned, and keep on counting the months because it seems like I’m not moving on. The only thing I want to remember about it is that, that was the first time in my life I decided a thing for none other than Lillahitaala.
Leaving my career was not because of an incident that brought it up, not a sacrifice for my family, not for my kids, not for my husband who actually went against it, not for any other endeavour and not even for myself at all. I was the one who decided for it, but it was not my choice. Sounds complicated that way, that’s just how I want to remember it. After all, just who can deny Allah’s qadr? It’s a personal spiritual event that I hope Allah will count it as something I’ve done totally for His sake, and guide me to what’s next and all the way through. Good bye my job, my source of income for 12 years since 2009. I really had a good time as a career woman. Alhamdulillah.
LIFE AS A HOUSEWIFE
Or a fulltime mother! First and foremost, I am not (or never) a housewife-material kinda woman. It’s something that I never expected I would be. Well, I had dreams of retiring early around my 40’s, but it’s always with the idea of doing something else to support a living. Or else I would just stay with the job until I retire because I loved the job anyway, and the company as well. Now that I’m stuck earlier, when my kids are all still small and overly attached to mommy. What do I say about it? A mix of everything.
I love the freedom of not having to think of work stuff anymore. It’s a hugeee relief but the demand of household commitment is so another level of a challenge. I’ve talked about this before so yeah overall to say, it’s mentally tiring. Mentally! When we’re physically tired, we just need rest; lie down and sleep and wake up better. But when we’re mentally exhausted, we have to manage! We have to manage the situation. We have to play the art of dealing with emotions. It’s a dreary process, guys and it’s repeating daily! Hahaha. That’s where I’m spinning the whole year.
On another note, I loveee the pleasure of being with the kids at all times, and seeing them growing up before my eyes. No more anxieties and hassles to be away from them every day. It’s a privilege I’m thankful for and I know they’re also happy about it.
BOOKS & READING
I wrapped up this year reading a total of 30 books!! Yeay, not very much but most were great and interesting and marked as favorites. I actually had some kind of reading hiatus last year during my last pregnancy that somehow slowed down my reading nerve until finally I picked a book that led to another, another led to the others and I can’t stop. I’m working on writing my book reviews for the selected books I rated 4 and 5 stars, I hope I’ll get it done a.s.a.p!!
What is the point of aging another year older if it doesn’t shoulder us with lessons? Indeed, a year won’t also pass without leaving us reflective of ‘lessons learnt’. These 3 lessons…
First, Tawakkaltu’alaAllah is about beating all sorts insecurities in us to face all sorts of uncertainties in life by trusting thay Allah is in control of everything with His absolute power. It’s when we have no idea at all of what’s going to happen next but we take that step anyway leaving another playsafe option.
Second, rezeki is not our job to think about. Let loose, because thinking (and worrying) about it too much could lead us astray, Wallahi.
Third, we cannot change a person. In fact, we can never be able to do it. No matter how relevant and sincere we think we are in advising people that we love dearly, some just won’t ever see it from our point of view. Everyone lives by his own principles so as we lived by our own principles, we also should let them live with their own. And as much as we think our points are valid, we actually never know if it’s the right or best thing to do.
These 3 lessons, maybe it’s by the book and simple to many but it took a series of unprdictabilities for me to come to this grey matter but finally, at least. To the new year, with a new mindset!
When I was young I never knew that our life purpose is something that we have to discover, not create. Something that we have to search for, not initiate. Something that we have been accorded to, not something that we can choose.
Later, I came to know that all mankind should live by the same life purpose that has already been pre-set by Allah. The purpose was clearly written in the Quran and when the time came, Allah will unveil it to His servant upon His will.
Years before, Allah has put me in the journey of discovering the true purpose. There were so many things that happened in my life that I did not realize it was a journey of combining the pieces of puzzles to become a picture.
This year, the puzzle was complete and to my surprise, it’s a picture that unveils my true purpose of life. It was the most precious day of my life, the day I was born for the second time. Finding the true purpose was so meaningful, and that leads to living this life with understanding, courage and a strong surety, biiznillah. There’s no words that can say how beautiful it is to realize this.
And that makes 2021 the most meaningful year to me, a year like never before. Truly grateful and I can’t be any happier for what Allah has destined to me. Haza min fadhli Rabbi. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.
It was a magical ride, Goodbye 2021