I once had an argument with my husband for being so overthinking of what people say about me and of what people actually meant from what they say. I have always been interpreting things even long after I had the conversation.
My husband, on the other hand, who is simpler minded disagreed with me and cancelled all my assumptions. In a way of saying that he is more husnuzon than me, laa…
My point is, if one is irritated by a person’s words said to him/her, it must be because the person in the first place purposely wants to irritate him/her.
And vice versa. Because I remember the first time I visited my husband’s village after we got married, it was also the first time I got to know his relatives up close and personal. One of them is whom I would describe as someone who looks unfriendly and most of the time, not smiley.
There was a time that I happened to be sitting with her only, just the two of us and we had a chit chat. Imagine talking to someone who just didn’t smile, didn’t look at your face and spoke in a very low tone voice – how will it make you feel? Plus, being me as a newcomer in the family of course the oddness would make me feel uncomfortable and think of “dia ni tak suka aku ke?” Haha…
But honestly, I didn’t feel anything like it at all. I felt okay and casual as usual. After years of marriage, after more meetups and knowing of everyone better; obviously she’s the kind of a quiet one, doesn’t talk much and yeah just not always smiley. My first conversation with her was just her natural self and nothing personal.
It’s candid, right? When there’s no heart issues, no hard feelings. What’s inside will vibe our speech on the outside and will affect the other party accordingly, regardless on how it shows on the surface and what actually uttered. It’s the vibeee due to the intention.
Does it make any sense? It’s arguable, yes, because on the receiving end, one also shouldn’t be so prejudice and overthinking but feelings is something instinctive and it comes from heart and goes to heart. As the one who speaks, we should first be true to ourselves. Reminder to both parties. Reminder to me!
Now, I just wanna share a story I just heard recently that’s so so interesting about a controversial figure by the name of Abdullah Al-Qasemi.
He was an ulama in the 20th century (born in 1907, died in 1996) who was really impressed by many other scholars for his depth of knowledge in Islamic religion. He once wrote a book, and that book was deemed as his ticket to Jannah for it being such a brilliant book! He’s an expert in tafseer, hadith everything until the scholars used to say that because of this book, he purchased paradise. Wow. Except for the parts in the book, he wrote some poems that sounded very much like praising himself. He was advised to remove the poems but he ignored them anyway. But his brilliance was until the scholars in Saudi Arabia at that time even regarded him as the next Ibn Taimiyyah! To that level.
Something unexpected happened after some time apparently after he got married, he went into philosophy and started writing weird books criticising religious doctrine and adopting free ideology. Unbelievably in the end, he renounced Islam and declared himself as an Atheist and he died on that! Subhanallah!! He transformed 360 degree from the point of someone who greatly defended Islam to the point who denied the existance of God at all, until the end of his life! MasyaAllah this is totally mind blowinggg.
This story is always told in talks for the topic of husnul khatimah being an example of people who lived their life certainly but ended the other way around. So Abdullah Al-Qasemi was one horrifying example as a reminder to us but the most important lesson lies in the very beginning.
Vaguely, he had this arrogance in himself through those self-praising poems he wrote in the book and didn’t bother to remove them even after being advised. That showed his actual state of heart that wanted to take credits while advocating the religion. That is so not right and see how Allah turned him away from the straight path. It’s the ‘issue’ in his heart that led him astrayed. May Allah save us all.
Take care of our hearts, it is invisible but every impact it makes is powerful both positively and negatively, towards others as well to our ownselves. Deal with every issue we have in it – hate, jealousy, arrogance, ego, pride, prejudice, ingratitude, etc, for “Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather He looks at your hearts and deeds.” (Sahih Muslim).