How To Not Scold Kids

I was watching a video on YouTube of a ceramah by an Ustaz. The talk was held in a mosque and obviously it was prior to Covid time because there were so many kids playing around. The kids were so loud until the Ustaz’s voice got drowned in the noise and I could hear them in the video.

Then, a man got up to ask them to slow down a bit because there’s the ceramah inside. But then the Ustaz stopped him and said, “Takpa, takpa.. Biaq pi laa  depa ahli syurga..”

Oh how sweet of him to say that and he continued speaking not minding the noise. However, the kids were getting noisier. And then he said, “makin galak depa, na?” Hahaha…Kids will be kids. Everyone laughed and he paused his lecture to slot in this germ of thoughts that since then, has changed my sight in seeing this particular creature – kids. 

He said, that’s how it was during the Prophet’s time (s.a.w). There was a time in a mosque, kids were making noise playing and there was a sahabah who wanted to quiet them but the Prophet (s.a.w) stopped and told him to let them be, just let them be, because they are….. darlings of the angels.

They…. are darlings of the angels…

Kids… are darlings of the angels…

Mereka adalah kesayangan malaikat…” These words by the ustaz were echoing in my ears and they simply flicked my heart and soul in a way that made me feel… How could I be scolding them? They’re the people of paradise. They are sinless!           

Fuh. This thought instantly moved me down to earth dwelling upon myself, my sinful self. A sinful person scolding God’s sinless beloved ones? I felt so ashamed. 

We know but we always forget that no matter what, they’re just loans to us. We scold without guilt for how they behave and we don’t feel it’s wrong because they’re our kids. Now with that thought in mind, ask ourselves this – how dare we? 

Feeling stressed by my words? Parenting-pressured? Ahha… Please don’t be, and don’t feel negative about it. Those things are true, if we take time to digest and reflect upon them. 

On top of that, let me now bring you to a centerpiece of this theme, a priceless discovery to me. 

When I was still working, I sent my kids to a babysitter’s house and a day-care nursery on work days. Alhamdulillah I was fated to meet nice people who were kind and caring and have taken good care of my beloved children. 

It has become casual to me that once in a while, I would buy something for them like desserts, savories or anything I could catch while on the way to pick up my kids at their place. 

On special days like Teacher’s Day or Ramadan days or Eid; I would prepare some gifts and angpow as a sweet gesture. I believe this is kinda common, other parents also do this as this is also a practice taught by the religion –  a form of sadaqah.

But to me, notwithstanding, the generosity to this group of devoted people is more than sadaqah, it’s a sign of appreciation. An appreciation to them for taking care of our children while we were away at work, for the peace of mind of having reliable people as a support system, on top of the monthly fees we pay. 

I was just happy to do that but am I so rich? No. In fact, I am always broke. But still, out of my broke-ness I would still go an extra mile willingly as a little reward to them. 

Now, imagine if The One who is rewarding us is As-Syakur, The Most Appreciative who is also Al-Ghani, The Most Rich. How do you think He will reward us – for loving, pampering and taking good care of His beloved ones? 

The appreciation is an ultimate appreciation, the reward is definitely gonna be an ultimate reward. Subhanallah. 

These deep thoughts have changed my way of seeing kids. Not just my own kids, but all children. They flow more love and compassion in me and make me see the beauty of parenting on another level. 

They also make me understand the wisdom of the Prophet’s (s.a.w) way of parenting by age. At the age of 0-7 year-old, they have to be showered with unconditional love. If we truly follow this way, the next phase of 7-14 will be easier, insyaAllah. Why, (to me) because for the first 7 years we have planted patience, empathy and understanding in entertaining their testing behaviors so these are the values we will bring over the next more challenging phase – educating them. On the other hand, if the first 7 years were filled with anger and yelling all the way, this is also gonna be the foundation of disciplining them in the future.

How to not scold kids is not about correcting them but us, that begins with the way we look at them – as darlings of the Angles. Pure and precious not only when they’re newborns, it’s beyond terrible-two tantrums, potty-training hassles and kindy episodes. Parenting is meant to shape us, before shaping the child. 

As ever,

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