My Ramadhan This Year

I entered the Ramadhan month of this year with only one aim, unlike previous years. I usually had a list of religious practices that I want to do extra specially for the noblest period. But this year I told myself I wanna do, of course many things, but mainly my focus is only one but I wanna do in abundant. Which, I want to istighfar a lot, a lotttt, all time.

It’s 27th day of fasting month, guys. This year I kicked off 4 days fasting then straightaway went on menstrual for 11 days! 11 days guys I have to replace this year. Haha even if I complete Puasa 6 I will still need to perform 5 more days which is haha a lot! Well, I’ll do, I’ll do..

So after I finished my ‘holiday’ and returned to fasting, it’s suddenly halfway already! It’s sooo fast I can’t believe, and now that we have entered the golden period, the last 10 nights that’s hidden the Lailatul Qadr. May we be given the chance to meet the night, Ameen.

For Ramadhan normally we’ll have this ritual agenda, which to have iftar sessions with the big families. Alhamdulillah, we managed to spend one long weekend in JB with my family and another long weekend with the in-laws. Such a good time! I even had the chance to go for taraweeh with my mom, thank you Allah. And another agenda is; Ramadhan buffet. Hehe.. Oh not to forget, Raya shopping! Ah can you see… This is why fasting month seems so short obviously, but Alhamdulillah we settled down early.

This year as I anticipated, I can’t go to the mosque for taraweeh as I have a baby and I don’t feel like bringing him there. So I missed many nights but for several times, I did it together with my husband at home.

Our congregational taraweeh prayers are always more special to me than our daily ones. Why? Because this is the time my husband will recite longer and non-common surah by having the Quran placed in front of him while praying. He will use this very big Quran that we have at home, one which we use only once a year.
You know, the big Quran is so special to me as it was my hantaran to him on our wedding. It’s common to have a Quran as the gift right, but the unusual is putting the large-sized one on the tray. But it’s my wish to own it because it reminds me of my beloved late grandma.

My grandma (passed on 15 years ago) had had a very big Quran which she bought in Mecca if I’m not mistaken. She put it nicely on a rehal at this one isolated prayer corner in her room together with her very thick velvety sajadah, tasbih and islamic books; and she always spent her time reciting Quran and meditating there after her prayers. That’s the image recorded in my mind whenever I think of her, and the big Quran will always be the highlight. Oh how I miss my grandma sooooo much!!

That’s why to make it special, I gifted the big Quran to my husband on our wedding to symbolic companionship throughout our marriage. But then after we unwrapped all the gifts and stuff from the wedding and he saw the Quran, he told me that he doesn’t like big Qurans. He prefers just a small, compact one, easier to hold and read. The smaller, the better; he said.

I was like, ha….? How can he not appreciate this this is so special, you know? But then okay I realized I was just being too sentimental about it and its just me. It’s about my grandma I was reminiscing on and not his haha. And so the Quran was left unused, I felt bad. Even if I thought it’s okay I’ll be the one to use it because I like it anyway but somehow, convenience wins over fancy elements, no? It’s so bothersome to handle it due to its bulkiness when the purpose is so long as we can see the wordings clearly, that should be enough.

Until a few years back when we started to have taraweeh sessions at home due to some limitation for me to go to mosque, my husband began to use the big Quran and I’m happy that it’s finally useful. Alhamdulillah. For what they say “Couples that pray together stay together;” may Allah bless my husband, my imam, show him His guidance and keep him on the straight path, Ameen.

Now we’re already in the last 10 days of Ramadhan, the annual precious finale. This Ramadhan is so packed of lessons and thoughts from the unexpected occurrences in my own family and the people surrounding me. Despite the trouble that spiked us recently, we still had a smooth sailing fasting month and was not totally bothered. That’s the beauty of Ramadhan, keeping you focused on the greatness so we pray a lot and never lose hope. This is, another Ramadhan to remember.

Lastly, I never had these wishes before but for once they crossed my mind, heartening me to pray for these two. One is to have the opportunity to be in the Holy Lands in the last 10 days of Ramadhan, and another one is hoping to die in Ramadhan, just like the lucky chosen ones!

As ever,

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