I Forgive You, Daddy (Part 2)

Warning : This is a book review and it contains spoiler.
Genre : Non-fiction / Memoir | Rating : 5 stars

Excuse me? I am NOT done yet! For a book that is so emo-raging, psychotic and full of nightmares, I can’t just move on after writing a short review. I have a lot more to say, things that were disturbing my mind out of frustration thinking of the fate that struck this person, Lizzie.

Here are my personal extractions, three specific aspects that I wanna touch from the whole story; ones that make me feel so deeply moved. It may be a bit deviating from the actual topic but if you wanna read my review just on the book generally, it’s in my previous post here.

First, a father is the biggest influence in a child’s life.

This book mainly tells about the author’s horrible father who abused her mentally, physically and sexually. The father was the irresponsible one, the cruel one, the reason of all her miseries. But I tell you, the mother was no less! The mother was also alcoholic and she’s helpless at all. She was also irresponsible and physically abusive, and did not protect her even after she knew Lizzie was raped. Not as bad as the father but she was just typically hopeless. Her damaged childhood was the mistake of both of the parents, actually.

But, the title of the book is “I Forgive You, Daddy”, not “I Forgive You, Mummy & Daddy”. It really shows how a father’s actions could be so impactful towards the whole life of a person. A father determines the kind of person he’s raising through his natural guidance. And a child is naturally hopeful towards the father, rather than the mother, to be the lead of his/her life so when this is betrayed, the impact is gonna be so bad, really bad.

It’s not that a mother’s presence is not vital but from the story, it seems like Lizzie has this soft spot in her heart for her mother. She pitied her mother for being like that and knew it was all because of her dad.

I’ve heard of this once ~ “A broken child, is the failure of the father.” Not sure where to quote this from but it somehow makes sense. Some time ago I had this group conversation with, one of them, a lawyer-friend who specialized in Shari’ah Law and out of nowhere the topic was about a child’s custody after divorce.

It was just a casual chat but I was so surprised to know that in Islam, the principal custody for children after 7 and 9 years old (boy-girl) actually belongs to the father, not the mother! The mother may have the rights when the kids are babies up until those ages but after that they should be under the father’s custody. Even if the mother had the custody earlier, after reaching the stipulated ages, the father can like re-open the case to get the custody back and if all things right, he’ll definitely have the chance to win it. Whyyyyyyy??

Well, she said, of course our law is also very much concerned on women’s rights that anything can be fought after. But in the first place, the reason why the father has the primary rights on the kids is because, it is their res.pon.si.bi.li.ty. It’s more to their responsibility to educate them, to raise them to become the true caliphs on the earth. It’s the special power and capability given to a man that we called ‘Father’.

What about a mother? A mother is in a position to be pregnant for them, to take care of the pregnancy, to give birth, to breastfeed them and to nurture them with love and affection in the early years of life. Those are our responsibilities through the maternal nature granted in us. I come to realize that this is why we actually cannot question why do we women have to go through all these maternity pain and struggles, why not the men? In fact they’re not given wombs so it’s not their responsibility anyway. And in larger fact, later they will have a much bigger responsibility to shape the children to become human. And that is wayyyyy tougher job one must bear. Question is; are all fathers holding this responsibility in full trust?

I pity single mothers who got to face all these problems when they’re divorced – I mean the custody thing. No mothers would wanna let go the precious easily but if this is put in accordance to the religion, if the father is responsible and good, it’s actually okay to let the kids be under the father’s custody, right? Yeah, some men failed as a husband but not as a father. But sadly, we live in a community that if the custody was agreed to be under the father, then this mother will face humiliation from around her that she doesn’t love the kids enough and whatnot. What a sickening world is this!!

Okay I’ve gone too far already. The facts on Islamic custody were only based on the casual conversation I had so that may be lack of much info – disclaimer. Of course in parenting, together or separated, both parents have to play the roles together but how Islam put it in specific somehow tells us the influence each of the parents has on the children in living their lives. In growing up, a father is indeed the biggest influence in a child’s life.

Oh My God why am I talking so long about this?? I’m reaching my entry word-limit already but know what? I’m still not finished. To be continued…Part 3! Weeeeee…..

As ever,
SALZY

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