A Boy or a Girl?

I am now at 16 weeks, exactly today. Tomorrow I’ll be going for my next antenatal check-up which is the third one. Tomorrow, my two months long of curiosity might end. Tomorrow, I’m expecting to see the gender of my baby. A boy or girl? I’m so nervous now!

Can we already see it? Well, based on my last twos, both were already revealing at 16 weeks and they were so clear and thank God cause I can’t be wondering about this for so long. I really hope this baby too will cooperate tomorrow and show us your ‘tutt’ cause Mom’s gotta start shoppinggg…!!

Now, what if it’s a boy and what if it’s a girl?

Look, my first twos are boys. Since I got to know about this pregnancy and started telling my close people that we’re expecting #3, most of their responses were like ‘oh hopefully it’s a girl this time!’. Girl, girl, girl from like almost everyone. Haha. It’s okay, I wasn’t annoyed at all though it’s pretty biased to my baby, I know it’s just a common reaction.

Honestly guys from the very start, my own preggy self really wasn’t mind if my third one is gonna be another boy. Of course a girl is gonna ‘complete’ our family but a boy is also gonna make a cool trio. I tell you, I really love to see family pictures of grown-up children with all boys or all girls. It’s so smart, right? Especially when they’re all wearing same colors. But well, all boys or all girls or mixed or boy first or girl first, boy last or girl last; it doesn’t really matter anyway. It’s not our job, right? It’s not like we can “engineer” it? It’s Allah’s arrangement, it’s up to Him.

But when I thought I should just leave it all for Allah to destine the best, somebody mentioned this to me – “Salz, if you hoped this to be girl, just pray for it.” Just a simple reminder but I forgot?

I was like yeah, why can’t I just pray for it? It’s not wrong after all to talk and ask from the Most Merciful? He indeed listens, who knows He will fulfill my wish for the effort I made to pray to Him? I really love this one quote I once heard from a wise lady – “Whatever you want, it may be just a prayer away. So pray!”

Then I began doing the necessaries. My first trimester was filled with this specific prayer and hajat, asking for a baby girl. But, but, but…. I made it clear to myself that whatever it is, in the end I’ll leave it to Allah and whatever is destined, I’ll be fine and happy and will not be disappointed if it turns out otherwise. I do what I gotta do as a slave; the rest is up to Him. I made it clear to myself.

But, but, but then again. When I did all these praying continually, kept asking for the same over and over, I became different. The prayers became hopes. From a neutral self who wasn’t tended to a boy or a girl, now I become really hopeful for what I was praying for.

I then…. really want a baby girl!!

And I did so much needless thinking. That this is gonna be my third caesarean, this might be my last pregnancy. If it’s a boy then it’s gonna be all boys, I won’t ever have a mini me. My first twos are boys of close gap, they will do everything together and this little one is gonna be kinda left out. He will be playing alone and so kesian. And the most worrying thing is that – I’m out of E names for boys already!! Hahaha… How NONSENSE mommy!!

I’m sorry, I’m sorry if this is offensive to anyone and I know this is not appropriate. But in all honesty, this is the roller coaster ride I’m having throughout my early pregnancy in quest of the baby gender which is a normal guessing game for anyone, right? It’s just a bit exaggerative to me cause my curiosity is always on level 999.

Anyhow, rest assured, I’m still wise and sound. I am a matured soon-to-be mother of three and I assure this overthinking-ness doesn’t win. After all, no matter if it’s a boy or a girl, it’s a gift from the Almighty and His arrangement is forever the best. It also has never been a big issue between me and my husband; we are always excited for what’s coming. What most important is the health and wellness of our offspring, may Allah protect my pregnancy and baby all the time. Ameen.

So, a boy or a girl?

baby1

SURPRISE!

As ever,
SALZY

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