I had a conversation with my 4-year-old boy about having a baby. My 4-year-old son demands a baby! No, not a baby. He wants two babies! Two babies for goodness sake, haha. I guess it’s something common for mommies with toddlers to come across this kind of situations. When kids are growing up to an age that they know there are humans littler and cuter than they are, they become so fascinated over and they wanna own them! I think in their minds, babies are the most sophisticated toys they could ever have, so they start demanding for ones. Ready for that, mommies!
While entertaining all his quests about this funny matter, I also came to wondering; when is my time for the next one? My youngest child is turning three very soon so that means, it’s been almost three years since I started calling myself a mother-of-two. Then, when am I going to be a mother-of-three? I have mixed feelings when thinking about it.
First, I do want more children. Having only two kids makes relatively a small family. In my life, I’ve been imagining myself having a slightly bigger family comprising of…four kids? Or three or five. But not two because two is very little even I myself have 6 siblings hehe. Erm, yes I imagine my life. We all do, no? Hahaha. So yes, I’m wanting a baby number 3!
But threeee? Two parents and three kids, outnumbered! Even now we’re so handful with these two boys I can’t imagine handling three kids at a time. Commitment. Commitment. Physically, mentally and the hardest part is… financially. Hmm, well.. I always thought to myself that children are blessings, they bring more and more rizq to us even though the expenses are going to spike up. But hmm again…sometimes my faith is not strong enough that now and again I do feel shaken when staring at the excel sheet of my salary projection, baby number 3 goes out of sight at all. Sigh for my poor conviction.
Baby #3 doesn’t come down straight from the sky! S/he comes through another pregnancy so when pregnancy being mentioned, that also means morning sicknesses, backaches and stretch marks coming altogether. I feel so heavy picturing another round of 9-month tummy hopping but hey that’s not bad. Being pregnant is fun! At least based on my last twos, second trimester onwards were pretty smooth sailings. I enjoyed foods so very much! And it was nice having a tiny resident in me too so yeah I miss being pregnant. Aww..
Giving birth? Erm..this is a little trouble. I had two caesarean deliveries before so surely expecting another one next. When it’s a planned operation, it’s usually smooth and steady so I’m okay about that but there are certain procedures I dislike so much making me feel so reluctant if I had to go through those all over again. But it’s called a package so what to do? Nobody said giving birth is ever easy.
All in all, what I’m craving so much is the newborn baby smell! And of course the baby itself because I love babies!! I miss doing all those baby-thingies like swaddling them, breastfeeding and bathing. Confinement period was bliss to me. The first baby year is gonna be topsy-turvy but also the most interesting one. The phase that will grow us not just in parenting but also in life and as a person ourselves to be.
Anyhow, always, after all the thinking and contemplating, I will collect all these thoughts, embrace and release them all up high to the sky of tawakkul. After all, no matter how I thought of the possibilities and the impossibilities, everything is up to Allah’s plans for me and my family and His arrangement is definitely the best! And even if I am not destined to have any more kids, and that only Edhany & Errasy are my all offspring, I will always be thankful and happy with this little family of mine. These hopes and anxieties are just my current mommy-feelings.
Till the next post,