It was only 2 months away when my mother offered me to join her for Umrah this round. She has been planning for it since a year ago and I was not in the list. So two months could be quite a surprise for me! My beloved mom was sponsoring the whole fees and I just had to prepare myself and stuffs so it’s definitely a “YES, I’m going”.
If we dived into the heart of every Muslim, deep down inside there must be a spot of desire to touch down the Holy Lands Mecca and Medina. These two places of worships are the cities that never sleep. Despite the huge crowd at all times, it is also a place that you can find true peace and serene.
I am no difference. I was too happy and excited to visit the dream place of mine but…knowing the fact that my husband is not joining us disappoints me a little. I also have to leave my two toddlers again after the UK trip previously. I was thinking…erm, this is not what I want. I do wanna go for Umrah but of course I wanna be accompanied by my beloved husband. Couples that pray together stay together, no? I felt like it’s gonna be an imperfect trip of me going “alone” leaving my important people behind. Erm…but that’s okay.
And when I started to inform people that I’m going for Umrah and that I’m going with my mother and brother, my husband is not is joining, kids are not joining, I instantly got the responses like…
“Whyyy are you leaving them…??”
“Oh it’s not gonna be fun!”
“Yeah, travelling with kids is a little trouble but separating with them is worse!”
“Pity those kids being left by mom for weeks”
“If I were you, I just can’t!”
Darnnnn….!! Those mommy-sensitive words were hitting me like a rock. My excitement all gone in a second and I suddenly don’t feel like going. I started to ramble to myself; ‘I should just wait till the time we can all go together’, ‘it’s not gonna be a meaningful Umrah for me’, ‘this is not what I want, this not what I want’. I cried.
I cried, I cried and I istighfar. I istighfar countlessly until it calmed me down and I started to think…wisely and talked to myself;
“This opportunity, is
like a dream comes true. This is what I have been praying for my whole life. It comes sooner than I ever thought. It comes in the easiest way…an offer of thousands of dollars without me having to beg for it. I am going with my beloved generous mom and I am going to spend the whole time clinging with her doing her favourite things at her favourite places. A place that I can feel the nearest to the Prophet s.a.w.. A place of Baitullah.”
Darn! Again…I was like suddenly awaken from my reverie and fired by “Hey, Stop Being Greedy, Woman!” shouted from all around me!
Greedy. Yes…that was it! That was the reason for all my dissatisfaction and disappointment! I am greedy. I have got what I can call a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that was not only dreamed by me but many other Muslims but I was still not thankful enough and focused on what I don’t get. Oh human, that’s just too bad. 😦
That was my moment of wake-up call. I beat myself and Istighfar some more feeling what a bad slave I am but somehow thankful that I realized it early. Suddenly a feeling of joy and excitement embracing me fully and I just couldn’t wait for my trip. And those mommy sensitive responses? No, that’s not for me. My friends didn’t mean to make me feel bad. Those are just normal reactions and I was just too sensitive. Of course I missed my kids so much but being away to focus on my obligations to the Almighty is my priority too.
Stop being greedy, people. Gratitude is the source of happiness while greedy is totally the opposite. I remember another episode of me being greedy and repented, began to thank more and things changed afterwards. Not keeping this post any longer, to be continued.
Till the next post,