Officially a Mother of Three

It’s official, it’s true, and it’s real. Me – I’m now officially a mother of three! It’s not unbelievable. Since November last year when I first discovered this pregnancy, time flew fast but I lived in every moment so yes I knew I wasn’t dreaming when the nurse handed my new bundle of joy into my arms. Alhamdulillah. It was 4th of July 2018 @ 1313 hours.

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Meet our latest addition to the family; ERRYSH ERDHEE BIN EDDY ERMAN :). Welcome to the world, baby! We are all so happy on your arrival. You made us a family of five which will definitely be merrier than ever. Thank you Allah for this gift and for another opportunity for me to repeat a precious maternity journey that I cherished the most in life.

9 months and he’s finally here. I feel so relieved that the operation went well though with some hiccups at least it’s all passed now especially the pregnancy. Honestly, this third pregnancy was the most challenging one to me compared to the earlier ones. Oops okay, it’s exaggerating to say that it’s “challenging” because I’ve heard of worse conditions of others so mine was Alhamdulillah. But like I said, comparing to my own previous ones, this was a bit wearisome for the whole prenatal period.

I was tired all the time, unproductive and emotional (I hope my baby won’t inherit these!). Just look at my blog; I won’t meet my writing target for this year and it’s enough to tell that I also don’t work on many of my resolutions for this year. Huhu! Suddenly it’s July now but I can’t turn back time. Telling myself it’s okay, I’m learning to live spontaneously or to say, with less planning. I am a mother of three now hey I gotta always be on-the-go!

Am currently on confinement, having my good time resting and taking care of my newborn at my parent’s house. Away from home and my husband and kids…missing them all so much!! I can’t wait to be fully recovered from this post-natal condition and be back to my routine, with added items in my to-dos. Rock it, MOM!

As ever,
SALZY

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Welcome Ramadhan

My late post welcoming Ramadhan. It’s been a week now but still, ahlan wa sahlan Ya Ramadhan!

The first time I got pregnant, I got to fast during my first trimester of the pregnancy. It was quite hard if I could remember. The day part was fine but when it came to breakfasting, it was a real struggle. Fighting with morning sicknesses when the throat and tummy just didn’t wanna accept what I ate, I continued with hungriness till late nights.

My second pregnancy, I got to fast during my second trimester. It was totally smooth and steady, Alhamdulillah. In fact, I was even more energetic during the fasting month compared to the prior trimester. I managed to fulfil the whole month fasting, in both pregnancies.

Now I am in my third trimester of the third pregnancy and it’s Ramadhan again! I have already checked the calendar much earlier so I knew that I’ll be fasting in laden this time. Though I know fasting is actually not a big deal for normal pregnant mothers, according to doctors or at least to me based on the previous twos, I am still a bit worried because every pregnancy is different and I don’t know how this baby would be reacting. So I’ve practiced fasting biweekly since January just to prepare myself physically to perform in this Ramadhan. It helps a lot.

Alhamdulillah, it has been 7 days and I’m still okay, still fasting. I hope I can fulfil the month straight but won’t also force myself hard. Let’s see how it goes.

This year is the year that I hope I can spend most nights at the mosque for taraweeh prayers. The kids are already eligible for mosque trips so I can also leave the house together. Next year and for a few more years to come, insyaAllah, will again be that baby-years to me hence I don’t see the chance to do what I can do now. Babysitting will come first but now let me seize the opportunity I have.

Time flies fast as always but for Ramadhan, it’s triple fast! I wanted to make a welcoming post yet it’s already a week gone. I’m counting another 3 weeks left and in a blink of an eye, it’ll be Raya already. I am depending myself on reminders after reminders from all around to keep me alert that we’re in the month full of offers, not that sales offers, but it’s the multiplied reward offers from the Almighty! May we all gain all the goodness especially by our own effort to do more ibadah and deeds and may Allah ar-Rahim accept everything despite our imperfections.

Salam Ramadhan, everyone.

As ever,
SALZY

Blogging Hiatus

A month plus of no updates at all? That’s kinda hiatus. And then I came across this quote below :

“There’s no such thing as writer’s block. Just start typing. At some point, it will turn into writing..”Graydon Carter from the book “Dear Me”.

True, which is so true. But that’s not the issue now. I’m not having writer’s block. I have ideas, I have so many things in my list I wanna write and pour into my SalzyMommyhood but….. I. just. have. no. time. Do people still accept that kind of an excuse? Haha…

Writing has become a necessity to me. And a priority too. I have to write. Writing is like pausing me a while from a marathon to just take a breath and continue running to an unseen finishing line. We have to take breaks, because indeed we don’t know when these all are going to end. Can be it’s still far yet so near or it’s already almost here, but can we really tell?

So what is this with I-just-have-no-time excuse I’m giving myself? No it’s not actually that. Everyone has 24 hours a day and so do I. It’s just that, I haven’t been staying up at midnight anymore, for quite some time already. That means, much of my productive me-time has gone into sweet dreams.

When I don’t stay up, I do less planning and thinking about my days and short-term future and that’s making me be like a mess. I don’t like this but I can’t help it too. When it’s bedtime, I’d tell myself to continue staying up and do my things once the kids doze off but that’s not what happens.

I am now already in the third trimester of this pregnancy and it’s taking much control of me physically, mentally and emotionally too. I’m honestly tired and what’s more tiring is when I don’t even have the power and effort to catch up. But life goes on because time waits for no men. I’m trying to enjoy every bit of it.

I turned 32 three days ago. How remarkable. I’ve been wanting to write a letter to my younger self to reflect the things that I’ve gone through in life; the future of my teenage self that has become past now. I wanted it to be a proper and lengthy letter but I know with my struggling condition now, it won’t happen. So let’s just do it now with only significant points I’ve been keeping to myself, short and sweet.

Dear My 16-year-old Self, 16 years ago,

I’m coming from your future with only one message to convey. That is – Life is so Confusing. Just like how you’re confused now. You’re confused on which stream you’re going to further after the PMR – sciences or arts? You’re so dead in mind thinking just about that but I tell you, that’s just a tip of an iceberg of this whole life you’re going to face.

In future, there will be a lot lot more things coming your way demanding for decision making from your clueless mind and you’ll always be confused. That’s what life is or at least that’s how your life will be exclusively. And that’s hard. Are you ready? You have to.

Scary much? See. This life is a journey and your job is to go through it and experience. You don’t have to figure out everything right away, you don’t have the power for that. But one thing is for sure; ‘things will fall into place, sooner or later’ – I promise. I can’t help much but this is what I believe the most comforting words I am telling to my ever dearest person which is you. Seek help from The One by the way you’ll learn, stick to it for every single time you need it. You’re doing good, just be stronger.

All the best, self. -Regards from the year 2018.-

As ever,
SALZY

I Forgive You, Daddy (Part 2)

Warning : This is a book review and it contains spoiler.
Genre : Non-fiction / Memoir | Rating : 5 stars

Excuse me? I am NOT done yet! For a book that is so emo-raging, psychotic and full of nightmares, I can’t just move on after writing a short review. I have a lot more to say, things that were disturbing my mind out of frustration thinking of the fate that struck this person, Lizzie.

Here are my personal extractions, three specific aspects that I wanna touch from the whole story; ones that make me feel so deeply moved. It may be a bit deviating from the actual topic but if you wanna read my review just on the book generally, it’s in my previous post here.

First, a father is the biggest influence in a child’s life.

This book mainly tells about the author’s horrible father who abused her mentally, physically and sexually. The father was the irresponsible one, the cruel one, the reason of all her miseries. But I tell you, the mother was no less! The mother was also alcoholic and she’s helpless at all. She was also irresponsible and physically abusive, and did not protect her even after she knew Lizzie was raped. Not as bad as the father but she was just typically hopeless. Her damaged childhood was the mistake of both of the parents, actually.

But, the title of the book is “I Forgive You, Daddy”, not “I Forgive You, Mummy & Daddy”. It really shows how a father’s actions could be so impactful towards the whole life of a person. A father determines the kind of person he’s raising through his natural guidance. And a child is naturally hopeful towards the father, rather than the mother, to be the lead of his/her life so when this is betrayed, the impact is gonna be so bad, really bad.

It’s not that a mother’s presence is not vital but from the story, it seems like Lizzie has this soft spot in her heart for her mother. She pitied her mother for being like that and knew it was all because of her dad.

I’ve heard of this once ~ “A broken child, is the failure of the father.” Not sure where to quote this from but it somehow makes sense. Some time ago I had this group conversation with, one of them, a lawyer-friend who specialized in Shari’ah Law and out of nowhere the topic was about a child’s custody after divorce.

It was just a casual chat but I was so surprised to know that in Islam, the principal custody for children after 7 and 9 years old (boy-girl) actually belongs to the father, not the mother! The mother may have the rights when the kids are babies up until those ages but after that they should be under the father’s custody. Even if the mother had the custody earlier, after reaching the stipulated ages, the father can like re-open the case to get the custody back and if all things right, he’ll definitely have the chance to win it. Whyyyyyyy??

Well, she said, of course our law is also very much concerned on women’s rights that anything can be fought after. But in the first place, the reason why the father has the primary rights on the kids is because, it is their res.pon.si.bi.li.ty. It’s more to their responsibility to educate them, to raise them to become the true caliphs on the earth. It’s the special power and capability given to a man that we called ‘Father’.

What about a mother? A mother is in a position to be pregnant for them, to take care of the pregnancy, to give birth, to breastfeed them and to nurture them with love and affection in the early years of life. Those are our responsibilities through the maternal nature granted in us. I come to realize that this is why we actually cannot question why do we women have to go through all these maternity pain and struggles, why not the men? In fact they’re not given wombs so it’s not their responsibility anyway. And in larger fact, later they will have a much bigger responsibility to shape the children to become human. And that is wayyyyy tougher job one must bear. Question is; are all fathers holding this responsibility in full trust?

I pity single mothers who got to face all these problems when they’re divorced – I mean the custody thing. No mothers would wanna let go the precious easily but if this is put in accordance to the religion, if the father is responsible and good, it’s actually okay to let the kids be under the father’s custody, right? Yeah, some men failed as a husband but not as a father. But sadly, we live in a community that if the custody was agreed to be under the father, then this mother will face humiliation from around her that she doesn’t love the kids enough and whatnot. What a sickening world is this!!

Okay I’ve gone too far already. The facts on Islamic custody were only based on the casual conversation I had so that may be lack of much info – disclaimer. Of course in parenting, together or separated, both parents have to play the roles together but how Islam put it in specific somehow tells us the influence each of the parents has on the children in living their lives. In growing up, a father is indeed the biggest influence in a child’s life.

Oh My God why am I talking so long about this?? I’m reaching my entry word-limit already but know what? I’m still not finished. To be continued…Part 3! Weeeeee…..

As ever,
SALZY

I Forgive You, Daddy by Lizzie McGlynn

Warning : This is a book review and it contains spoiler.
Genre : Non-fiction / Memoir | Rating : 5 stars

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My General Review

This is a story of Lizzie’s life, the author herself, that was full of sufferings as a consequence from her father’s evil deeds throughout her lifetime since she was a very little girl. She was raped and beaten so abusively and nobody was on her side to protect her perpetually; not even her mother, social workers, nor the court. In fact, she’s the one taking responsibilities of her family’s wellbeing to survive whilst fighting with internal crime. Her life went on with a series of unfortunate events even after her father died, she had to fight severe depression that resulted from her detrimental childhood. She later suffered of frequent mental disorder and various illnesses due to internal damages she had since young.

It’s a very emotional read to me. It’s very sad for a little girl to have faced those ruins that were made by her own father, one who supposed to take care of her with full responsibilities. I’d been having growls of fury in my stomach from chapters to chapters reading all the things she experienced from the abuse, to the bullying in school for being the messy kid others not wanting to get near.

I swear no child deserves that kind of life. All children deserve a happy childhood and it’s the responsibility of the parents or the guardians to provide it to them, not their responsibility to find it on their own! There was an episode of her struggling to tag along with this group of friends going out for fun even though she knew she’s not welcomed and all avoided. It’s just because she really wanted to feel the normal teenage life for once! I cannotttt…!! T_T

It was even harrowing to know the confusing feelings she had in her tender years for not knowing what sexual harassment was and thought it was normal though she not liked it and felt weird being treated that way. Sometimes, the father (and also other men she was given to) did it in a way that made her ‘feel nice’ while at times he unleashed it as the punishment of anything she did wrong and those made her feel guilty of her own and that everything that happened was all her mistakes. It’s a manipulation that muddled an innocent girl’s mind who didn’t understand anything that happened to her. Cruel much!!

I believed not everyone can further read this book as the horrifying facts were so distressing. After all, it’s a true story that explores the life of an ill-fated woman from the bottom of her heart and it’s a worthy read to reflect how life can actually be so tragic. This book broke me down.

As ever,
SALZY

My Definition of Me-Time

I was about to write about this but before that I googled the definition first and got this :

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Which is yes, the general meaning and my own definition of me-time are somewhat alike. As per the name, it’s self-explained as me-time means it’s all about me. And I thought it’s somehow the same for everyone else too but to my surprise, I once heard from someone who is a stay-at-home-mother who told me that, her kinda me-time is just about freeing herself from having to do house chores but still, she wants and needs to be surrounded by her families especially the kids around her. It’s not about being alone or doing things alone because she’d feel so weird and lonely that way.

Amazing I was totally amazed by that! Being a mother is like a bulk of round hanger but not a typical one, a multipurpose one. Many things, and people too, are hooked on us and make us standing imbalance that at times, we need to be off-hooked for a moment to stabilize our station and that means to leave-me-alone. As long as there are people under my responsibility around, I always feel that I have to attend to them and I cannot really focus on myself or my projects. So this particular stay-at-home mother, you earned my amazement!

And that tells me that everyone actually has his or her own definition of me-time on top of the general one. And even if we’re typical, we’re not totally the same. There must be elements that differentiate how we make the most of our me-time and when to allocate the time out of our busy schedules.

As for myself, I guess I’m good at this. I always make sure that once in a while I will have some quality time for myself to do my things without anyone’s involvement, not even my husband. This might sound selfish, yes. But I actually have faced this dilemma at a point of my life that made me feel pathetic, guilty and confused of what I want, what I need, what I have to do and how I should be. I finally crawled out from the chaos and found my answer. I pledged to love and value myself best and from there I learned to organize my priorities better.

Later on, I got more contented with the changes I made in my life and I feel I’m living wiser. Then, I also learned to re-evaluate things from time to time so today; I want to re-evaluate my definition of me-time. Because, as I got more and more comfortable with my way of life, it might also lead to real selfishness. Because I don’t feel guilty of having my own sweet time for myself, I might also overuse it and leave my other priorities behind. Remember we’re hangers, we’re open for hooks but the challenge is to make it stable as much.

To begin with, my me-time is absolutely my alone time, enough said.

It can be indoor, or also outdoor. A major part of me can be labelled as homey-type. I love to be at home, my home despite the messiness is always a sweet home. I used to have a corner in the living room of my previous house that I located a desk and a bookshelf for me to stuff my possessions. Now, I even have a separate room which my family called it as ‘Mom’s office’. This is where I spend most of my time doing hobbies.

I also love going out, mainly to the malls doing what else? Shopping!! Shopping is absolutely a therapy and I admit that I’m quite a spendthrift. But sometimes I don’t even have a budget to shop so yeah, just window-shopping will do.

To make it valid, I need a minimum of 3 hours of this alone-time and 50% of the time should be spent doing non-housework. Is that too much to ask for? Hehe. Come to think, if it’s just about one-two hours of being at home, the whole time would just be all about me doing house chores. Like it said, me-time is an opportunity to reduce stress or restore energy. So if my energy were all gone to cleaning the house, I’d just get more tired and that means I’m not doing justice to myself. Still, as long as it’s consuming less than 50% of the time allocated, I do regard doing house chores as one of my me-time activities because there is happiness that comes out from the satisfaction of seeing the house cleaned.

Next, my state of self should be productive, not sick and not asleep. If necessary, I’d take a coffee to stay awake and alert. Me-time is not about lying down lousy or doing useless things like; scrolling the phone! That is not me-time but me-wasting-time. But some days are just so blues that I won’t be in the mood at all to even sit straight, what more to function my brain. That’s when the lazy cells decided to king my body so those days, I’d just surrender and do nothing or just sleep. That’s such a poor state of me that’s so disappointing sometimes. But for some other time that I’m in the most dynamic mode, I’d utilize my brain as much too.

It depends on the individual on how frequent they want to isolate themselves away for some me-time. Some people only need a half an hour a day for some meditation moment and that’s enough for them to rejuvenate but they need to have it daily. Some people need two weeks long to get away for a vacation so they will come back recharged for a longer term. Like me, I need more than 3 hours to complete my tasks I’ve planned to do or to go out to find things, so it’s definitely not every day. The least possible, I need to have it at least once or twice a month. During non-busy periods, I’d just take a day off but if a month seems to flash so fast and my missions are still not accomplished, I’d rather sacrifice one night to stay up because I’m such a midnight person. The best is if I could have it every once a week, that’s pretty lavish already.

Lastly, the outcome of my me-time must be therapeutic. Anything, anything that can make me h.a.p.p.y and bring me p.e.a.c.e. of mind.

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Photo Source : Akronohiomoms

As ever,
SALZY